Wednesday, August 19, 2009

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 41

We didn't forget. We were working on it all the time. Yeah that's right.

Anyway, number 41 on our list of the TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever, well, it is none other than Johnny-come-lately Resident Evil 5.

Unlike all the other Resident Evil games on this list, this game is new. That is why it is so low on this list. What kind of elitist list making pricks would we be if we put a new game in the top 40? No kind. That is what we would be.

Resident Evil 5 was a departure from the classic series. Staple enemies like white male skinny zombie, white woman skinny zombie, fat man zombie and spanish people was replaced with just black people in this iteration of the classic survival horror series. For the first couple of chapters anyway. Then it was gas mask people. The game received stacks of criticism and some flip reversed racism against Japanese people for it's perceived racism. Then the game came out and everyone kind of got over it. That is the great thing about the great gaming nation of ours. Everything is so transient. So fickle. Forgotten in weeks.

The game itself was actually quite good despite including the following sins: Crates and boxes, enemies in crates, crappy co-op loading up the level then loading up player 2, 70% of the screen used, casual sexism and casual racism. A few reviewers complained about the akward inventory system but those reviewers are proper noobs. Noobs. Some people complained that you still couldn't move and shoot. Those people are no-scoping fags. It's just simply the best co-op game of all time. There was also a nude cheat for Sheva which is cool because you can see her boobies and they jiggled when she ran.

The game was just brilliant in fact. More brilliant than:

42: Wii Play Tanks!
43: Ed Fedemeyer's Haunted Maze
44: Resident Evil "gay den"
45: Final Fantasy VIII
46: Resident Evil Genesis
47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

Less brilliant than ...... Well you'll have to just wait and see won't cha?


This post is kindly sponsored by Metal Powder. For more information about Metal Powder and Metal powder related products please go to the metal powder products website http://www.metalpowder.com/
Metal Fucking Powder significantly better than soil, clay and wood powder and the prefered powder of 9/10* Cosmo readers. *based on a survey of 4.5 people

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Tuesday, September 02, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 42

Hot on the heels of number 43 we have a new entry on the best list of best games of all times ever. The votes are in and have been counted and you have voted Tanks! from Wii Play as your 43rd bestest game of all time ever.

We don't have a picture of tanks! but these are tanks
We are a big fan of Tanks! here which is why Tanks! has been voted as the 42nd greatest game of all time ever. Tanks! what a game. Yes. Tanks!. Did you know reader that Tanks8 from Wii Play is the first Wii game on this prestigious list? Well it is. Check it:

43: Ed Fedemeyer's Haunted Maze
44: Resident Evil "gay den"
45: Final Fantasy VIII

46: Resident Evil Genesis

47: Dino Crisis 3

48: Dead Rising

49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1

50: Biohazard 4D Executer

Coming next time: NUMBER 41

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Tuesday, July 01, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 43

Yes. This is still going on. Today at number 43 it's Ed Fedemeyer's Haunted Maze. That shit was made in thirteen day y'all. Play it now. It's still the number one Net Yaroze game according to us in this list.

Here's our low down on it almost two years ago! We don't change very much do we.

The already bored of but will see the end of Top 50 list as voted by TGAM readers on our fora so far:

44: Resident Evil "gay den"
45: Final Fantasy VIII
46: Resident Evil Genesis
47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 44

Yes it's Resident Evil Gaiden for the GameBoy Color. Color should have a "u" in it.

Leon goes to special school

We've never played it, even though it's ten pounds from amazon. We probably won't either because the GBA is no doubt some kind of corroded battery affair by now. We're also opposed to it because it is called "Gaiden". Which sounds a lot like gay den.

Resident evil gay den: After the events of resident evil 1 & 2 Barry and Leon are hanging out at their secret tree house base. After Claire goes to Europe to find her brother, the boys discover through a friendly game of spin the bottle that Leon and Barry may be more than just friends. Play as Barry or Leo in in this exciting adventure for the GameBoy color. Choose the right time to come out to Rebecca. Berate Barry for always going on about Chris as if he is in love with him or something jesus Barry if you love him so much why don't you go to Europe to find him. Tell Leon cunning lies about Ada Wong in order to keep him the right side of the fence......

All we know is that Resident Evil purists worry that Gaiden isn't strictly "canon" but anyone worrying about a story with zombies on a boat being canon or not canon deserves to be purged from the internet and indeed the wider world. GIVE WIKIPEDIA BACK PURISTS.

List so far, so good:

45: Final Fantasy VIII
46: Resident Evil Genesis
47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

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Monday, June 23, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 45

Welcome back to the Top 50! What comes after 46? Well, it's only 45! Some of you predicted this one on our Top 50 forum thread. Yes, it's Final Fantasy VIII!

Photoshoppid this myself! I know the filters. That's right.This is the only Final Fantasy on the list! We know what you are thinking, "Final Fantasy VIII! Better than VI!". And the answer is yes! Final Fantasy VIII had everything and it is still the most played of the Final Fantasies IN THE WORLD. It had a great storyline, especially the bit where you had to talk to a dog and the bit where everyone remembers that they forgot that they all grew up together! Squeenix gold. VIII makes the grade because it is the only Final Fantasy with three "woulds" in the main line up (Irvine, Rinoa, Tifa). Lastly, like all gamers TGAM cried like a widdle girl when Rinoa died! What a game, what a 45th TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever entry!

The list so far:

46: Resident Evil Genesis
47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

Next on TGAM Top 50? It's all the fours!

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Friday, June 20, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 46

Well we've had zombies, zombies, zombies and zombie dinosaurs in our hotly anticipated TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. What could possibly beat 50-47? Well something has to otherwise the list is pretty flawed no? Chortle!

Well today children in at number 46. We're going to get complaints that this one is so low I know it in my heart! Yes, yes it's only fucking RESIDENT EVIL GENESIS for the mobile phone!

ACTION, ZOMBIES and ADVENTURE and you could be setting your alarm or calling someone or facebooking. FoolNot the first, not the last retelling of Resident Evil 1 but surely the most 46th on the list! Yes indeed. I hear what you are saying. Is this really better than Dead Rising? Well check the list because Dead Rising is lower than this so DUR SPAZMOID of course it's better! Does Dead Rising have Barry Burton in it? No? I didn't think so.

Wow what an exciting week. Readers have been voting and commenting in the half dozens at least. What does next week's list bring? I'll give you a hint. "NOT METROID OR ZELDA". Yes. Can you guess what it is yet?

The fairest and most empirical list of greatness so far:

47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

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Thursday, June 19, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 47

So far, so good. Three great games on the list, I'm sure you'll agree (aside from two of them not really being games). So what is better than Dead Rising you might ask? Well it's only frickin Dino Crisis 3!

It's a dinosaur! At last I can use the dinosaursagain tag

Although much hated by most gamers, we don't share that opinion because we have never played it. The last time I checked it still wasn't backward compatible with the Xbox 360 which is a testament to how much it is hated considering that titles like Catwoman, Dinotopia and Bass Pro Shops Trophy Hunter 2007 have been emulator enabled.

However, it remains one of the greatest games of all time because from reading the instruction book, looking at the back of the box, examining the screenshots and watching videos it has genetically altered dinosaurs in space. Which is kind of like dinosaur zombies in space which in turn means that it is practically Resident Evil in space which is where Albert Wesker lives. What a great game!

The list so far:

48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 48

Time for number 48! Excited? I know I am really excited. Here's a clue to the game via an excellent screenshot from Eurogamer.


Can you tell what it is yet?

Yes it's Dead Rising (referred to as Dead Rizzling in TGAM circles thanks to a stupid customer). Why so low? Nobody asks. Well it's a compormise, I love Dead Rising but Richie has no time for it. So it's here. The first proper game on the list.

Dead Rising has everything: zombies, shopping malls, hot fat lesbo cops, ban in Germany, Jills Sandwiches, everyday violence, cults, guns, storyline, hideous save system, unreadable text, the Dante, Jill and Ryu zombies, cars, viruses and tits mcgee (never forget tits Mcgee). The usual capcom trappings of being a bit confusing on the first playthrough and the aforementioned save system only work to make it better in our eyes. Perhaps the greatest achievement is that the game works properly. So if you feel so inclined you can sit on the roof for the whole game until the chopper arrives*. It still remains the only reason to buy an Xbox 360.

The list so far:

49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer



*Did you hear that Bioshock with your infinitely long "the place is falling apart, you must escape" sequence at the end? Bastard.

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 49

Yes that's right, it's number 49 in our highly successful TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. After yesterday's non game we decided to include another non game. And todays 49th TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever? Resident Evil Confidential Report: File 1. Never heard of it? Shame on you. It's oft* been described as the mobile phone Halo.
Ah mobile games. You are shit. Should of stuck at snake and tetris
Yes, Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1 makes up for what it lacks in being a good game of any sort by having Resident Evil in the title. Did you know reader that in Japan Resident Evil is known as Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou? Well it is! Imagine such titles as Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou: Director's cut or Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou: Outbreak File 2! It's batshit crazy upside down world is what that is.

So that's 49. 49 is so today but what does tomorrow bring? Well thanks to the vast number of votes in our hotly contended reader voting (visit the forum to join in), we have a surprise entry to the so-far Resident Evil dominated list.

The list so far:

50: Biohazard 4D Executer

*This meant to read "further in this sentence".

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Monday, June 16, 2008

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 50

So, as promised, here it is. No pussying around we're going straight in there without so much as a thought for preheating the oven. Readers have voted in their droves* So what is the first game in the TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever? Which game did we feel deserved recognition but not too many playthroughs? Which game did we think was better than number 51 but not quite as good as number 49? Well kids, it's....it's Biohazard 4D-Executer.

Yeah we're going there That's right, we're going there. So superior is our list to all out competitors, the first one on the list of TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever isn't even a fucking game. That's right we're going there. It's a film thing. The whole thing is on Youtube so make sure you watch it before complaining.

This ""game"" makes the list because we're sick of EDGE, IGN and Joystiq including fucking Myst and the sequels on top 100 lists. Seriously, I've sat through more interactive power point presentations for god's sake. Myst. Ha! It was wank. And then there were 100 sequels which no one ever played yet yearly some beardy who worked on it attends some videogame conference and everyone listens to them as if they are some kind of sage/mage. I cannot impress how much I hate Myst. In the grand old game of videogame top trumps, Myst would be the card that loses against ever single other card on all categories.

So Biohazard 4D executer is a film thing designed to be played in a cinema where bits of the seats would move and people would lick your ear at certain points for the "ultimate scare". I can't even be bothered to look but in all likelyhood it never made it out of Japan because Capcom like to roll like that. It has zombie things and guns and sewers and warehouses and zombie crows and mutating baddies that look like various prolapses so it's a winner in our book.

Tomorrow: That's right, we're gonna do number 49. See if we don't**



* Artistic use of readers and/or have voted.

** Quite likely actually.

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