Top 5 Tube Stations in games

Bored of video game lists? Loins not set ablaze by underground train stations? Then boy you are in the wrong place because here is TGAM's Top 5 Underground Train Stations* in games list. We may have done this list before that is how low on ideas we are.

5. Santa Destroy Tube Station.
This is one of those ones we remembered so put it in here. You don't actually do much in it and all of the stairways and doorways are blocked off with wet floor signs or red cones. There are vending machines. You get the train to fight Destroy Man.

4. Raccoon City Tube Station.
Somehow the zombie plague has caused some underground trains to crash. Maybe they ate the driver or something and he braked too hard in his death throws. Anyway, it is a scary place and looks exactly like Santa Destroy station. Is this how all American Tube stations look? My sample size of two says yes. Also, here's a fun fact in America they call the tube (or Underground) the sub-surfarizerotor.

3. Silent Hill Tube Station.
There is something inherently creepy about underground stations. Especially late at night and both Silent Hill 3 and 4 "go there" girlfriend. The one in 4 is much better and creepier especially with "Mrs. Crawlingaroundonthefloorhair report to platform 2" but there are no good images of it online.

2. Aldwych Tube Station.
This station appeared in the wasn't-as-good-as-2, Tomb Raider 3. Abandoned it had been taken of with ridiculously stereotyped Geordie homeless people (in America homeless people are called Anuses, the same word we use for arse!). It also has a bunch of train carriages just left around and Lara Croft refused to jump over the barriers (she could no doubt afford the penalty fare!) which ended up with hours of messing around to get a valid ticket with some old money. Which is bizarre because the station was open until 1994.

And now, the moment you have all been waiting for. Which one will be number one? There was strong competition from the networks and stations in Liberty City, Freedom Fighters, the new Metro Game, the Getaway and Fahrenheit (where the dead man sexing occurs!) however the overall winner is.......







1. The London Underground.
Yes the winner is the troubled Hellgate: London. Yes the Covent Garden Service Line, Northern Line and umm Leicester Square Line? are all faithfully-ish recreated in demon occupied London and in fact in hellspawn occupied Laaaaaaaaaandan the Northern Line works better than it does now. Oh ho ho ho. Oh ho ho ho. London jokes.



WINNER!


* Top 2 and then the next three that we could remember. I will be honest.

Omastar Comics #15, AKA Forgot about Dre

No Christmas way back then. Still doesn't stop Omastar anachronistically looking forward to it? Does it?


Whatever, Omastar. You'd be bored after like two years of it.

In other news:

Halo 4 storyline leaked by Bungie! Here it is especially for you, That Guy's Reader: "There's a man in the green suit. He a shooty man. Hes killin all the bad ones till the end when the shooty man maybe dead. He not dead. He just go away until Halo 5". EPIC stuff I think you'll agree.

Also, rumours that the Rockband drum set has traces of arsenic in it are abound. Be very careful the next time you play Rockband because you'll look like a fucking tit in front of all your friends. Oh and also the poison too.

"Rape me" by Nirvana confirmed for Singstar in April this year. Too late for the office parties but an essential addition to the DLC that ought to keep Singstar afloat for a while longer.

Manhunt 2: The Real Scoop.

Yeah I’m sure we have all heard it, “Manhunt 2 – Banned in the UK”, for its Casual Sadism blah blah blah. Yeah the game uses a pretty nasty format, stalking and killing but hey I would like people to remember that it is a game. I would like to draw comparisons to Deerhunter: sneak up on the poor defenceless animal, blow its brains out…

“Rejecting a work is a very serious action and one which we do not take lightly,” BBFC director David Cooke stated. “Where possible we try to consider cuts or, in the case of games, modifications which remove the material which contravenes the Board’s published Guidelines."

Where do the differences lie then? Rather than a VIRTUAL generic forest, the game is set in VIRTUAL, dark, sordid, rust world. And rather than kill VIRTUAL mighty stags, the player can kill VIRTUAL human beings in VIRTUAL brutal ways.

But yeah, we all know the generic formulae of Manhunt, stalk, sneak, kill. Seen a million times before, since the first stalk-em-ups on the original playstation. The brutality is no different than that of Splinter cell, or indeed a certain italian plumber jumping on mushrooms with underbites. The thing that most seems to be put on trial here is the tone and mood to which these killings are peformed.

“In the case of Manhunt 2 this has not been possible. Manhunt 2 is distinguishable from recent high-end video games by its unremitting bleakness and callousness of tone in an overall game context which constantly encourages visceral killing with exceptionally little alleviation or distancing.”

So, where does this end? I agree that there should be ratings and certifications for games to prevent porn, religion and racism breaching into the general public.

It has been 10 years since the last time a game was banned (Carmageddon), and with all the controversy from the JT’s and the Daily Mail’s of the world, will this make companies like the BBFC more trigger-happy with banning titles?

“There is sustained and cumulative casual sadism in the way in which these killings are committed, and encouraged, in the game.”

So what is manhunt, from the information released from BBFC it seems to be nothing more than a killing simulator with little to no plot or story or background, which I’m sure we will all agree, does not seem in keeping with traditional Rockstar games.

“Although the difference should not be exaggerated the fact of the game’s unrelenting focus on stalking and brutal slaying and the sheer lack of alternative pleasures on offer to the gamer, together with the different overall narrative context, contribute towards differentiating this submission from the original Manhunt game.”

The original manhunt… Well the game was not brilliant, but the plot was intriguing, a madman sets you free from jail and you have to kill based on his orders. It’s an interesting concept, even to go as far as have the mad man talking to you directly through headphones. And to be honest the actual kills were not even as bad as the ones seen in the recent influx of gore flicks, such as Hostel, Saw or even (to go a bit more retro) Se7en.

“That work was classified ‘18’ in 2003, before the BBFC’s recent games research had been undertaken, but was already at the very top end of what the Board judged to be acceptable at that category.”

However the reviews Manhunt 2 has got have given the game a score kicking about the 90% range, which means that, despite the context, the game is quite good, it seems a shame to let a high percentile game fade in to obscurity because of irresponsible parents who will buy the game for their kids, if we are to keep games as a medium which does not get “censored” we do have to make a stand against companies , media and persons.

“Against this background, the Board’s carefully considered view is that to issue a certificate to Manhunt 2, on either platform, would involve a range of unjustifiable harm risks, to both adults and minors, within the terms of the Video Recordings Act, and accordingly that its availability, even if statutorily confined to adults, would be unacceptable to the public.”

But above all, the thing that pisses me off in this whole “Scandal” (which all seemed to open up with that Resistance game using a church in their game), is the way it was reported. At the time of going to the press it was not only one game that had been banned, but two, “Law and Order” and “Manhunt 2” and of course because the Media hates Rockstar, Manhunt 2 was scrutinised the most.

Facts:

1. Manhunt 2 banned due to the overly graphic deaths/killings and the tone of the game.
2. Law and Order banned due to a depiction in-game of the James Bulger case.

However it was implied by the media that Manhunt 2 had the references to James Bulger. On top of this the original Manhunt was accused yet again of the murder of a 14 year old, to which it was acquitted long ago. Which goes to show one of two things, either the media is stupid and didn’t get their facts straight, or that the media is trying (yet again) to construe that games are “evil”.

In either case 1 fact can be ascertained… Media = Cunts. But we all knew that.

Signing out

/Richie