That Guys Interviews Again!

The other day we were reading the TGAM archives and laughing out loud at ourselves. Out loud. That’s pretty wrong no? But it was when we were reading the TGAM archives that we realised that WE ARE FUCKING GAMING CELEBRITIES!

Yes folks, without actually knowing it we went from mediocrity to gaming celebrity stardom. Like that news about the goose that levelled up and became a swan that time. Here is the story about how we discovered we were celebrities (this will probably be in our second autobiography when we publish our book now we are gaming celebrities).

We got a link on Kotaku once and not one of those news stealing links a proper link for creating something unique.

Our best friend totally met Pentadact, secretly James secretely Tom at University. He even emailed him to check and Tom emailed back. What a nice chap.

We insult Richard Cobbett on a regular basis and he doesn’t even hate us.

We interviewed that photographer who did the Devil May Cry shoot for Front magazine.

We are listed as an industry link on the RamRaider.

We got an emoticon from Graeme Norgate. A true gaming legend.

We once wrote to ONM magazine and they wrote back.

A guy we used to live with is in a photo over on Another Little Dissapointment. We have given our stalkers key information here!

One of us is credited in over a dozen video games!

We fake interviewed Leigh Alexander and then she left us a comment!

We got some love from Rock Paper Shotgun.

This pretty much cements our place as genuine gaming celebrities, which falls just under Z list celebrity in the following classification:

A list celebrities. You did something good once and didn’t disappear. Nowadays you can release crap albums or crap films and nobody says anything because you are that big.

B list celebrities. The people who make the world go round behind the scenes. Directors, music producers and authors. Nobody knows who you are on the street but you get just as many column inches, free coke and blow jobs from C-E listers as those A list fuckers

C list celebrities. Footballers and people who suck off footballers.

Bored of this now, SKIP DOWN PAST Z LIST THEN GO THROUGH THE PUNCTUATION AND THEN ONTO THE NUMBERS.

11. Gaming Celebrities. Famous people who are famous only for doing things related to gaming. Do not confuse Gaming Celebrities with Celebrities that Game (see 24) like that cunt Iaiaiaian Lee and the one who did James Bond after Pierce Morgan.
The first thing we did when we discovered we were gaming celebrities. We had a wank in the mirror, filmed it on a digital camera, transferred the video to the Wii and then did a 100+ piece video puzzle of us repeatedly wanking into the mirror. That’s how fucking next gen we are. Can you do that on an Xbox 360? No? For those of you having gay gaming celebrity fantasies about us around about now, we taped a flattened cardboard box to the mirror so we couldn’t see each others wangs. That would be gay. Except now that we are gaming celebrities being gay sometimes is fine.

The second thing we did when we discovered we were gaming celebrities. We got wank guilt and watched the news (Channel 5).

The next relevant to this post thing we did. Not wanting to miss an exclusive we interviewed ourselves thus improving out own gaming celebrity status considering that we are only the second gaming celebrity to be interviewed following that interview with lovely Leigh Alexander. Here is our first exclusive interview with gaming celebrities TGAM.

TGAM: Welcome TGAM.
TGAM: Hello and may I say what a fantastic pleasure it is to be here, getting interviewed by the World’s Second Best Gaming Blog in the World Ever.
TGAM: You flatter us TGAM but you must be used to all this, after all you did start your career writing for a gaming blog.
TGAM: Well, may I say what an refreshing change it is for bloggers having done some research before the interview.
TGAM: Well that is what you get here. Our commitment to getting the latest news to our readers is our driving force.
TGAM: Well in the states they are saying this year is your year TGAM!
TGAM: They say the same about you TGAM. Now tell us are you familiar with Family Reunion by Blink 182?
TGAM: Yeah. Yeah we know that song.
TGAM: It goes like this: ´Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat´
TGAM: Okay, yeah.
TGAM: Then it goes ´I fucked your mom´. Is that song about your mom TGAM?
TGAM has signed out of chat.

So thanks to TGAM. I think you'll agree it was a great interview. Next week: Well hopefully it is someone that doesn't check the blog (= a shitload of people).

The Bona Fide list of confirmed Gaming Celebrities so far: Leigh Alexander, is he/isn't he Gabe Newell and us. For those entrepeneurs starting a gaminbg celebrity version of Heat we have 1500 photos of us, each one we are selling for £4.50, £3.50 for topless ones.

That Guys Interviews.

Gaming is trying hard to be mainstream, even though it already is but not in the way many gamers gamers can appreciate because they are too busy grinding and cyberring to spend enough time in the real world. A world without elves and muscle men and barrels and princesses and invisible walls. One thing that might help the deluded to believe that gaming is more mainstream is if we create some Gaming Celebrities. That way we join the common woman by slating off how fat, ugly, beautiful, stylish, hideous and underweight our favourite gaming people are and we can OMG to our hearts delights every time Jeff Minter takes a crap and it makes headlines.

Our part in all this is to interview the top 100 gaming celebrities pushing them from blogosphere obscurity to the heady heights of celebrity and maybe see them take part in ice skating, ballroom dancing and orgies-on-islands television programmes like real celebrities do.

This is not Leigh Alexander.

We emailed over 500 gaming celebs and we've already got some great names lined up but first, it is our pleasure to reveal our exclusive interview with rising star gaming writer Leigh Alexander. Chances are if you follow the gaming blogs you will have discovered some of Leigh's excellent writing about games from reflective pieces on what it means to be a gamer to some thought provoking articles questioning some of the most common words in a gamers lexicon. Also, despite the fact she has two boys names she is a woman.

TGAM: Hello Leigh and thank you for taking part in our ambitious project and extra kudos to being the first one to get back to us.
LA: It is a pleasure and I kinda appreciate what you guys are doing but not necessarily the way you go about it.
TGAM: One of our most popular posts of all time have been, Danger Women in games. Are you familiar with The Party Song by Blink 182?
LA: Yeah. Yeah I know that song but
TGAM: It goes like this: 'Do you want to come to a party
My friends picked me up in their truck at 11:30
This things at a frat house but the people are cool there
Reluctant I followed but never dreamed there
Would be someone there who would catch my attention
I wasn't out looking for love or affection
So I paid my 3 and the girls got in free
Shine the beer and tequila and we headed into the party
And then in the backyard some terrible ska band
Someone in the background was doing a keg stand
This place is so lame all these girls look the same
All these guys have no game I wish I would have stayed
In my bed back at home watching TV alone
Where I'd put on some porn or have sex on the phone
Far from people I hate down from anywhere state
Trying to intoxicate girls to give them head after the party
And then I saw her standing there
With green eyes and long blond hair
She wasn't wearing underwear at least I prayed that
She might be the one maybe we'd have some fun
Maybe we'd watch the sun rise'.
LA: Okay
TGAM: Then it goes 'But that night I learned some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard to impress
With the way that they dress
With those things on their chests
And the things they suggest to me
I couldn't believe what this lady was saying
The names she was dropping the games she was playing
She dated this guy who now rides for Black Flys
How she's down with the Iwise well constructed disguise
Now I'd rather go dateless than stay here and hate this
Her volume of makeup her fake tits were tasteless
So I said I'd call her but never would bother
Until I got turned down by another girl at a party
So when you see her standing there
With green eyes and long blonde hair
She won't be wearing underwear and you'll discover
This girl's not the one and she'll never be fun
You should just turn and run because you'll find out that
Some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard to impress with the way that they dress
With those things on their chest
And the things they suggest to me' Do you think that song was written about you Leigh?
LA has signed out of chat.


So thanks to Leigh Alexander. I think you'll agree it was a great interview. Next week: Well hopefully it is someone that doesn't check the blog (= a shitload of people).

Ciao! CZY1 1

The (almost) a year that was. 2008

It is nearly the end of 2008. Which means it is nearly time for all the vidjogame blogs to start posting "top 100"s and retrospectives of the year.

Here at the laughable TGAM we make no exception and are virtually thrilled to review the trash we put out throughout the year.

January 2008.
No. No. I just can't be bothered. There's too much to look at and it wasn't that great to start with. New initiative. Here are some of the best and worst bits of TGAM this year.

Best Bits.
Probably the Hotel Dusk review if I was being not very modest.
The Front magazine interview and photos continues to generate 98% of our traffic and visitors stay for just under 18 seconds presumably before clearing the search history and logging off.

Worst Bits.
The ten days of Dante-mas which to be fair we did bother to finish but perhaps ten days was too long. No, it was too short, we did eleven days of Dante-mas. Yeah, eleven days was too long and the game wasn't even that great.
Way too much reactive ranting about stuff we can't even remember now.
'Jokes' which would have been considered not very funny even when they were 10 years more topical from the 90s was an early theme and perhaps the best material of the year.

No. I just can't even face doing this even. It's too depressing.

Look you all came here to see Soul Calibur XXX and CG tits so here they are. Expect some kind of ironic but deadly serious Game of the year, early next year and maybe we'll finish that top 50. We might get Omastar to put in an appearence. Other than that it'll be tl;dr rants, awful typos (I spelled Animal wrong in the last post FFS), maybe some reviews of dildonics, the occassional image of Marvin the RPD cop as Will Smith, some weak PC vs console posts and if you are very lucky SPOILER [Nope, actually no spoiler here I just ran out of insp]




In the meantime try not to kill each other and have a good Christmas.

The State of Play

For all the imploring for games to become more mainstream and "accepted", for all the essays by pretentious hacks trying to read more into gaming than is necessary, for all the protests and for all the forum threads that go on for years about the best characters or the top ten...... For all the social and political commentators bigging up the merits of games for education and art. For all those and more it must be pretty galling to see that Pro Evo just knocked FIFA off the top sales spot.

That's right, for all your whinging and whining about games the meatheads have it. The yearly update to a football game is what most real people are interested in. A game about a game where unnaturally shaven millionaires play football against each other. Unlucky.

Last Christmas

This christmas is gearing up to be a good one and already it's very heavily video game oriented. The TV is running Hitman the movie ads almost every ad break and the trailers for Assasin's Creed and Need for Speed Pro Street are popping up quite a bit, as well as others. They seem to be good adverts too, grown up ads, no longer the reserve of horrible ALRIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT American voice over tat or Sony wankery they used to be.
This month's EDGE has an interesting schpiz on marketing for games and how much money is thrown at the great unwashed on marketing alone. Up to 15 percent of a game's net receipts is spent on marketing and for titles released worldwide for christmas up to £7 million is being spent. Recent discussions with Giant Enemy Guitar Hero suggest that PR and advertising may be the way to go about getting your game off the shelves regardless of unfulfilled promises by developers and publishers in pre-launch hype. The oft cited poor initial receptions to the likes of ICO, Grim Fandango, Psychonauts and Freedom Fighters is testament that word of mouth and good reviews won't guarantee sales success alone (and/or a sequel).

But how effective is it all? I won't be buying any new titles this December. £50 for 360 and PS3 games is just offensive. £40 for Super Mario Galaxy may just be worth it had I the inclination. Guitar Hero III and Rock Band are gonna set back some of the Jones' a pretty penny. And goddam DS titles, will your price ever drop?? Scratch that, goddam Nintendo games will your price ever drop? Why is there no second hand Nintendo market? Is it because there are never a glut of good games or do Nintendo players horde their merchandise by nature?

No, this Christmas I'll be aiming to pick up some cheap PS2 classics before they dissappear from the high street altogether . I've got all the GTA Stories to pick up for prosterity as well as the latest two Tomb Raiders. I should really get Resident Evil Outbreaks too. Was tempted by the Prince of Persia box set and I should really have picked up the Silent Hill box set by now. Not to mention ridiculous dinosaur related DS pishness. Oh and I've still got Eternal Darkness to pick up. Ha! Gamecube games. Good luck.

Oh look another Hitman ad. I suddenly want to go and see it.......

Fridaaaay!

So STFU and be happy! You get a whole weekend of fun and freedom! Oh you want a benchmark for how happy you should be?

Be this happy


Have a nice weekend!