This Geekend

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Jeff Glooberman

As about 2 of our 5 readers worked out, I recently wasn't fired but was sham fired, mirroring the recent oxymoronic Gaming Journalism integrity fiasco over at Gamespot. If you don't know the haps by now, basically, some guy called Jeff Niderman, who is/was some kind of editor over at Gamespot, did a text and video review of the much hyped, always looked-like-it-would-turn-out-mediocre, game, Kane and Lynch:Dead Men. Kane and Lynch: Dead Men was published by the "haven't done anything good since Resident Evil 3:Nemesis" publisher Eidos. The review gave it a 6 and Jeff Groberlein repeatedly described it as ugly throughout the video review. Then after some initial grape vine rumours it turns out that Jeff Gleistmeyer was unceremoniously fired at Gamespot and as it happens around the same time, "thanks for ruining Tomb Raider" publisher Eidos had also planned to do a big marketing campaign on the face of Gamespot for Kane and Lynch: Dead Men. The gibbering hordes then put 2 and 3 together and got 8 and went on a spree accusing Gamespot of being dishonourable, Eidos being petty and Jeff Luberjeister was hailed as some kind of gaming hero because they assumed that he had been fired because the big bucks (ha!) Eidos had pressured the corporate Gamespot to get rid of him-who-judges-a-game-fairly. Within seconds there were countless tribute videos on Youtube and numerous Gamespot staff tried to express their loss through a series of emotionally immature articles, including one comparison to the loss of Jeff Naberasker as the destruction of a city in Sim City. What a fitting tribute! Meanwhile as Eidos and Gamespot shrug their shoulders in a "I don't know what you're talking about fashion", the sensless gaming community went on and on spouting about boycotts of Gamespot and all other CNET sites which is stupid because boycotting Gamespot, Metacritic and Gamefaqs leaves you with sites like Joystiq and IGN to get your up to date news and reviews. Good luck. Then in a bid to not be outdone, a small community of True Gamespot Fanboys tried to shout above the crowd saying that they liked Jeff better and that this firing is the latest in a string of big losses for Gamespot following the apparent loss of other staff members with typically American names in recent years. Apparently when Ryan, Zack and Karl left Gamespot it was the beginning of the end no one listened though because at times of crisis the gaming community just likes to shout loudly like a bunch of drunk howler monkeys. At the same time everyone was pretending that they knew who Jeff Grubschter was, even though the only "person" that people know at Gamespot is Guy Cocker because he is named after TGAM favourite GIANT EMO GUITAR HERO. Pretending that anyone knows who the people are is ridiculous. You only go there for the news and videos. No one reads the reviews anyway past the big number on the top right. At this time a ridiculous subsidiary site also fired one of their members of staff over a controverisal review after which, 2 readers they never knew they had, crawled out of internet anonymity to make comments either with extreme tongue in cheek humour or genuine misunderstanding the parody which was followed up by a weak ass post that was too in jokey and then another post which was over inspired by the Zero Punctuation review of Assassin's Creed. Meanwhile, Jeff Graberpatcherman did a overly modest "it's about the integrity" spiel which deranged fanpersons lapped up even though at any given time over the last one and half years, said retards could have gone over to THE RAMRAIDER to find out how truly knee deep in shit back stabbing criminally negligent Games Journalism can be. But throughout the whole thing no one mentioned the true crime at the heart of gaming as it stands today, that is that Resident Evil 4 should really be Resident Evil 5, or Resident Evil 6 if you count zero as one when Capcom gets round to re-numbering all of them. Shame on you gaming community. Shame.

Them's the haps.

That Guy's Are The Worst Wedding Guests

Last week, Richie and I travelled to snowy Estonia for the wedding of our old friend Randy McSporran. Suffice to say the event was chaotic and it's probably a good thing that Cunzy and Richie are normally seperated by several hundred miles. Memory is still a bit hazy but here is the summary;

Stansted at midnight, vodka, coke, Pokemon Diamond, smking, checking-in, vodka and red bull at 3 in the morning, legendary battle, Ponyta, Omastar, Focus Band, Cunzy afraid of flying, airport dimensia, immaturity, Doug and Liz, Easy Jet, flying, landing, Randy and Ollie, new friends, sniffer dogs, bus, 'fit' or 'fat', hotel, mini bar, spluff on beds, snooker, MacDonalds, Kat, supermarket, Seaman's shot, Absinthe, Dark Dog, cheese waffles, Kent fags, drinking, raging, stupid cocktail, some other liquer, mixers, bull pish, more absinthe, Richie vomit, pub, Pokemon talk, stag night, kissing men, fighting, beer, Richie wiping things of his shoe onto a girl, strip club, lots of money spent, private dance, arguing with Tom, Randy showing us the venue for the wedding at stupid o clock in the morning, Cunzy vomit, phoning girlfriend, girlfriend laughing, dropping my phone in the toilet, sleep, MISSING THE CEREMONY, shame, hangover, champagne, smoking, medieval restaurant, elk, bear, wild boar, salmon, spicy lentils, wine, more smoking, memory card for sale, alcoholic homeless man, barmaids, singing, speeches, rose pudding, bit drunk again, no money, reception, champagne, vodka, beer, bubbles, bubbles in Chris's beer, smoking, Mulan first dance, vodka, dancing, kidnap, arguing, drinking, Will in the bogs, shouting, kidnap of bride, vodka, singing Wet wet wet, return of the bride, chicken wings, cake, heroin addicts, evolution, pokemon theme tune, no PQT :(, dancing, smoking, dancing, drinking, message book, not racist limmerick, bride dancing in underwear, Richie no top, Doug no top, no tops hugging, smoking, dancing, Richie finishing tab, bad mood Richie, crazy barmaids, horrible jaded, jealous little man, horrible jaded medium sized man, wake up in time, taxi, airport, airport, immature, Jpod, plane, water, Family guy, half an episode, UK, smoking, home, tired, tired, liver failure?

Overall it was great but team TGAM only have another two weddings in us before we die of alcohol abuse so if you want us at your wedding book early. Also, there's every chance that we won't make the ceremony.

Omastar Comics #13

Many people don't realise that Omastar Comics is not a recent phenomenon. We do which makes us superior and veritable kings in the eyes of other people who "camp" the wikipedia pages for Omastar Comics. Omastar originally made a debut in the 1922 silent comic, Oma Lordy. The original comic was recently rediscovered by comic archivists in the heart of Russia. Here it is for your eyes only.

Thrilling I think you'll agree no?

Street Fighter The Later Years

Often at That Guy's A Maniac we forget Capcom did other series of games. Ones without zombies or with the pretty boy with the white hair. Yes that's right, Street Fighter. Anyway, some geniuses over at college humour put together this excellent series which, impressively boasts better dialogue, funnier in-jokes for the fans and greater production values than most video game related films. We found it via the omnireporting Kotaku machine. Here's the trailer on YouTube but you should watch the rest here. Or else.

Resident Evil 5 Racism?

You've no doubt read the story now. The new RE5 trailer came out and showed Chris (from Resident Evil) or a Chris look-alike in Africa just walking around thinking about buying some beads 'n' shit. Then you see some zombie zombieness and afterwards, footage of Chris taking them out a la Resident Evil 0-4. Oh, yeah but most if not all of the zombies are black. So this inspired all of these cunts to talk about it and the nasty gaming community came out of their A-Holes to be racist to everyone and the anti-racist and race awareness part of the blogosphere mobilised and put up a bit of a fight. Good points were put forward by both sides blah blah blah.......
What none of these idiots (some of them are real idiots and others are self confessed intellectual idiots) picked up on is that it should be Resident Evil 6 not Resident Evil 5. For fuck's sake guys focus on the real issue. Capcom you still ain't wrote me back and to be honest it's getting near to "stash Dido in the back of my car and drive off a bridge o clock", you hear me?


Also, although some people picked up on the fact that Resident Evil 4 was all anti-spanish and shit, no one mentioned that there wasn't a single black guy in that whole fucking game. LAME. That was an easy point for someone to pick up and run with right? The pro gamer guys could have told the 'RE5 is racist' guys, where were you when RE4 came out huh? And then they'd be like "Damn, you caught us we were only kicking up a fuss because this was obviously racist and we can't be bothered to do a lot of research into these things so you are right we were using it to raise our profile amongst the anti-racism community".


MISSED A TRICK THERE GAMING FAGS.


Ha noobs.

Well thank fuck for that

Alright dudes and dudettes TGAM is back. Our temporary exile from this most fantastic blog has mean you guys missed out on some excellent posts:

1) The post that was a parody of this one from UK:Res. Oh man it was pretty funny and included some out of the box fresh images.
2) Our belated game-themed christmas carols sung in the style of you're average yanky warbler like "Saiiiii ay ay ay yai halent hill, Ho oo ooo oo oo oo ly hill ayll is braaiyaiyaiyaiyaiyiayyiayt". That was a genius post I'm telling you.
3) You missed some of Chuff_72's anecdotes like the time he believed he liked Tekken and the time he hated the XBox 360.
4) You missed the congratulations, congratulations, commisserations posts for Richie getting a stunning girl, marrying her and then subsequently she died. Of the face AIDS.

5) Our photo exclusive of what happens when you drink 7 pints of wife-beater (stella artois) or big wkd blues (for Richie) and then play Wario Ware smooth moves on the Wii taking shots of Absynthe every time you lose a game. Suffice to say we killed the TGAM cat Celeste. We miss you greatly Kitty but we still have our flickr collection of you wearing a hat, walking on the keyboard looking like you are playing WoW or just looking at the camera like an evil kitty.

6) Our hands on with Dead Rising 2. It's fucking awesome, Zangief, Leon and a dude from Lost Planet are in it. And oh yes oh fukting yes

You didn't miss
1) Our post about how great the Wii including many such hilarious "Wii" words as wiipilosa, wiipedagogy and wiiLaurenceofArabia.
2) Our whiny rant about RTM or WoW or griefing in seond life. No whining at all really.

Bis dann, Happy Frickin New Year and I'll blog you later