Friday, December 11, 2009

Charlie Brooker on games..

Read it. The first part of the article is excellent observational humour and the whole thing sms up the frustration most of gamer kind has come across at some point. Brooker even picks up on the lack of gaming celebrities thing.

However. A few comments down and we get the age old console wars stuff, some game snobbery, LULZ I'm a girl, aren't games addictive? etc. the usual stuff.

Games may have become a bit more widely appreciated but gamers sure as hell aren't. I'm officially ex-communicating the gaming community until it levels up a bit.

Starting.

Now.

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

We aren't fans of recycling shit from the internet but sometimes it's worth it.

By *sigh* RoflCopter 761 via Halolz

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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Lamest Pokemon according to 1up


Yeah ok, So their list is:

Unown - Cuz it is Gimmicky
Beautifly - Cuz its a copy of Butterfree
Luvdisc - Cuz it looks silly and has rubbish stats
Probopass - Cuz it looks really stupid.
Mr Mime - Cuz yeah he is the shittiest pokemon ever.

Now if we were angsty, under-sexed bloggers, we would dispute this claim saying things like, "Luvdisc can be EV trained to be IMBA". But that is not us, we are better than that.

In fact, despite this coming from 1up we whole heartedly agree!

So we are going to gracefully tip our caps to 1up, and expand on the list a wee bit.

Top 5 Shit pokemon that are shit, but not quite as shit as the top 5 lamest pokemon that 1up posted:

5. CastForm:
Shitty weather dependent Pokemon that changes it form based on whatever weather effect is in play, meaning you waste your moveset on weather changing moves. And of course by the time you have actually changed the weather you are dead anyway.





4. Ditto:
Pfft, everyone has at least a lvl 70 one of these, not because they trained the fucker, but because they have leaft it in the daycare center for so long so that it can fuck all your other pokemon and make babies. Slut.







3. Mawile:
Yeah it's a Steel type, big woop, it has terrible moves.Such a disappointment in Ruby/Sapphire for a Pokemon that looks this cool... It needa at least a Pre-evolution and a few steel moves would be nice!







2. Kricketune:
Stupidly weak and... Why did they give it a moustache? I mean really a moustache. I dare you to give me one reason one plausable reason for giving it a moustache!





1. Ludicolo:
Cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheat






Luv n Hugs,

Richie XXX

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Yahtzee Croshaw namechacks That guy's, struggles with Nintendo controls.

As ever, Yahtzee Croshaw delivers yet another enjoyable zero punctuation*. This time it's super smash brothers brawl. However, it's obvious from the review that he struggles with the control system. Now, we aren't haters here but people who can't play SSBB? We're no experts ourselves and in fact the antipenultimate time the maniacs met up Richie and I didn't enjoy getting double-team-violated by Fox and Falco up against the Great Fox. :(

FLAME ON

Still. Yahtzee loses some of his cool points because he can't work out the controls. It's not rocket science and it is the third iteration. He tries to cover his noobishness with layers of fanboy baiting and talk about "friends" and "multiplayer situations" but he has exposed a weakness. In fact he even comes across as a bit girly (not racist-girly like Anne Diamond's game reviews girly) and this is coming from a PC gamer so he should be used to retarded controls. And games. And PC gamer friends. (Here's a tip if you are struggling with the controls, leave the main screen on idle and you get a demonstration).

However, he does regain many more cool points by name checking "That Guy" and "That Guy's" both of which are registered trademarks of TGAM. So keep on trucking Yahtzee and try to steer away from those complicated Nintendo games.

*The bastards over at the "escapist magazine" must feel pretty crappy because until zero punctuation featured on their site they were in the same box as IGN and Joystiq. Sites that no one visits or cares about but whos staffers try really really hard to write intelligently about games. :( unlucky The Escapist. 5/10 Try harder.

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Hotel Dusk- The Review

We're talking away. I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway. Today's another day to find you. Shying away. I'll be coming for your love, OK?
Say it anywayTake on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two. So needless to say. I'm odds and ends. But that's me stumbling away. Slowly learning that life is OK. Say after me "It's no better to be safe than sorry".
Take on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two
Taaaaaaaake on meOh the things that you say. Is it life or just a play my worries away. You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying awayI'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me, take me onI'll be goneIn a day or two

We're talking away 8/10. Worth a purchase!

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Why everyone needs oblivion


I mean everyone. This and you can set fire to dogs. SET DOGS ON FIRE (see here!)

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Zucht....

Yesterday, Long Time TGAM Commentor and occassional guest writer Chuff_72
said:
"OH SIIIICCCKKKKKKK someone on this blog is planning on getting ALL the games with dinos in... try and guess who everybody. Anyways, that means he/she is gonna have to buy Splashdown 2! There's even a dino on the back of the frikin box! SIIICCCKKKKKKK!!!!"
and
"SSSSIIIIIIICCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! I forgot John Woo Presents Stranglehold, not only dinos but in a FRIKIN MUSEUM!!!!! Another reason to get a 360...Homophobe for dinosaurs."

It's true readers. I'm giving up on trying to collect all the games I would like in my games collection. The sad truth is I just don't have time to play them all and I know that one day soon I'm going to lose a cable, lead or accessory which means some of my old consoles are going to have to be put down. For good. Nothing but museum pieces.

Until then I'm going to try to get every game that has featured dinosaurs (real dinosaurs, sorry Yoshi, Bub & Bob) and then beat that game. As Chuff_72 rightly points out though there are stacks of games that feature dinosaurs and some of them are near impossible to get anymore. Jurassic Park III DNA Factor anyone?. In fact I'm not sure half of them were ever on general release. They certainly weren't in game.

Anyway, Chuff_72 was right about both Stranglehold and Splashdown 2. Thanks to IGN for this picture
Prediction. Looks nice, plays nice 6.5/10?
Maybe I was wrong about you IGN? Anyway Stranglehold looking sexy on the left here.

Am I really going to have to get this? YES YES I AM!
Splashdown, something something looking a bit PS3 on the left here, from the wonderful Gamespot.
I can see this is going to be a very expensive endeavour...........
What about you reader? Do you want to completely over-obsess about something in games? You might as well because there is nothing else out on the radar at the moment. Does anyone remember something about next-gen consoles? I heard that one of them was coming out soonish? Ohhh what about the DS? That used to be a good platform. Or the PSP? Is that still on sale near you?


Next Week on That Guy's a Maniac, World's Second Best Videogame Blog....
Richie "I'm a co-author" Posts about something other than non dinosaurs??? Could it be? Stay connected to find out.

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Who else?

S.T.A.R.S!! Hey gang, since 2006 we've had, literally, infinite emails from some of our traditionally stalwart readers asking "Why should we stick with you phags? Your site sucks?". We hired a consultancy team to have a look but then we remembered that we didn't actually do that at all. We then tried to examine this question ourselves but we ended up laughing too much. We were pretty funny back in the old days. So I, Cunzy1 1, took it upon myself to use the internet to find out why you, the reader, should stick with us (all 6 of you). I googled "ask jeeves" (which is now just 'ask'. The Jeeves bit was probably judged to be homophobic). I then asked Jeeves "What other videogame blogs are there?". This, dearest friends, is what you could be reading instead*

Result 1 (and 2) Fucking IGN. Nobody reads IGN, their sole purpose is to come first and second in any search with the word game in it. We didn't even click on these because both links were to forums about Sparda vs. other video game bosses. Who cares? If it isn't a sex fantasy Vs. question about videogame characters it isn't worth it. At all. Fuck you IGN.

Result 3 Harvind1's Blog. I like this guy's style- ending his name with a 1 is a master stroke. Of course, two 1s or a "1 1" is much better but, hey, he/she/it is probably a rookie or maverick at best. Anyway to the meat of Havind1's video game blog! The first line is: "It was not that much Important for me. After coming from school there were many sports which were good time pass. Among these one that I loved most was playing marbles. I loved this game because it was some sort of gamble for child" He writes like us! Well done Harvind1 for adopting our style of journalism- Tgamo Journalism! The second paragraph starts "The second game that we used to play was chainbreaker. I don’t know about the general name. This name was coined by us. This game was really strange. One boy out of the group was made a thief." Clearly reading Harvind1's blog daily is empirically, genuinely more interesting and entertaining than reading TGAM. In answer to our original question, you should probably, nay definitely, read Harvind1 before us. If you are in an emergency situation, where you only have 5 minutes and a good internet connection; then check Harvind1's blog first then ours if for some reason his site is down. Shit, I am thinking we may come out of this badly...

Result 4 and 5 Videogame posts on IMEEM Not a real games blog just a collection of things tenuously related. Disqualified from the competition.

Result 6 GameDaily Biz's article on the best videogame blogs! Not a blog as such but if Jeeves tell us it's a blog we must believe the Daft Gay. We were on the shortlist for this but then Richie accidentally called GameDaily Biz a "bit of a spaz". Taken out of context it seems nasty but I assure you it wasn't originally meant like that. Regardless, ever since then we've had no love from GameBizly Day. Coincidentally, they list the greatest videogame blogs as Joystik, Guardian Gamesblog, Terra Nova and the Video Game Ombudsman. As all gamers are want to, we will review each of these "blogs" in one word; Hideous, Boring, Pretentious, French. Jeeves doesn't acknowledge them as blogs so neither do we. Looks like TGAM is still the number 2 videogame blog after Harvind1's!

Result 7 Videogame Blog. Free blog templates and an easy to use, free, bannerless blogging solution. This blog is rubbish. No foetus pictures, no homophobic commentors, no resident evil. Worst videogame blog ever.

Result 8 After a gaming festival drops Super Columbine Massacre RPG! (yes, it’s what you think) from consideration, other videogame makers drop out in protest. Is it art, or just offensive? Another not very good blog, this time by MSNBC. There is only one post and it's about the stupid columbine game. Who cares about a game where you collect corn? GTA San Andreas had a columbine and if you run over people blood comes out the back! 9/10. Oooops, I just accidentally reviewed GTA San Andreas. You can consistently expect such high quality reviews 24:7 from the acclaimed videogame blog That Guy's a Maniac at www.thatguys.co.uk . There is no game too big, no subject too touchy. This blog on the other hand, sucked. You could tell Jeeves was pained to even count it in the search but rules are rules.

Result 9 Rebbawskaced's Website When we checked Rebbawskaced's site he/she had totally copied our idea from early this year and from sometime last year of cunningly replacing our blog with an error page. When we did it, it was art. Expression against Microsoft, censorship and Google. Rebecasked is just a lame copycat. 0/5 Rebbeckini 0 out of 5.

FINAL RESULTS Jeeves gave us 124,500 other blogs to check but everyone knows it's all about the first page results. The final, final result is that in the whole of the internet TGAM is the second greatest games blog, second only to Harvind1's blog. That was proved scientifically by the way so, no disagreeing. Harvind1, cap off to you sir. We can't match the high concept posts you do involving 'Chainbreaker' or games where boys are thieves. Still as a consolation, number 2 isn't bad. Just wait until Harvind1 gets too greedy and then the people start to turn against him. Then we will be king! KINGS AMONGST BLOGGERS! Then we will remember who stuck by us. Until then

Cunzy1 1, co-author, World's Second Greatest Video Game Blog- That Guy's A Maniac, out

*Or at the same time or just before or after. Feel free to use your time however you see fit.

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