Thoughts on the Heavy Rain Showering/Golden Shower "Leak"

So many piss jokes we don't know where to start. All the major gaming news networks reported that two Heavy Rain 'videos' were 'leaked' (when is the game out again?). One of which was the opening sequence, the other was gameplay of slutbungwulla having a shower and having a wee.

We watched both videos on your behalf and here are our thoughts:

1) It is a fucked up world where a video of a virtual woman having a wee generates more interest than all those videos of virtual death and mass murder. Even more so that either of those kinds of videos drums up more interest than all that depressing 'news' stuff on real MDKs.
2) On the upside, the shower scene is so devoid of titilation (ha tit) that only the most frustrated of adolescents are in danger of getting aroused. However, it is really boring. This is an unattractive woman having a shower after a hard day at work perhaps? From what we saw she doesn't frig or hide the soap. She just showers a bit. We can barely wait for the level where you have to fill out your tax return or the "Where did I put my keys?" mini game.
3) UPDATE FROM THE GIRLFRIEND! What kind of woman showers without at least 14 kinds of products and at least 20 towels? Good points.
4) What ever happened to MDK?
5) So, Wii Sports bowling is an example of how casual games and gaming is killing gaming for the hardcore. A game where you have to make a motion like bowling to bowl a ball in a virtual bowling alley. Like bowling. The real life game of bowling. That's not 'gaming' apparently but pressing up on an analog stick to turn the shower on is gaming?
6) When she undresses for the shower all the naughty bits are strategically covered by furniture in the foreground which is a bit Austin Powers really. I mean, if this game is an 18 then at least 14% of the gamers playing it will have actually seen a real vagina. Is it really so neccessary to cover it up or does that actually say more about the expected response to this kind of totally unexciting, barely lob worthy scene?
7) Fingers crossed for a male shower and piss scene where right on the analog stick is "wipe piss off the seat".

THOSE ARE THE THOUGHTS.

Riche MIA Blogartist

So yeah, it has been a while since I did a bit of blogeriferousness…

What have I been up to? Well mainly I have been achievement whoring on Soul Calibur IV which is going well apart from the Tower being a bitch to get through. But in a strange twist of events I went back to Guitar hero 2 and 3 on the Xbox 360, after pretty much getting sick of Rockband. I have done the “Endless setlist” twice now, once on hard and then a second time on expert, though I totally nabbed out on the second time, as the guys I was playing with were on a lower difficulty, and I had got it in my head that I would still get the expert achievement… I have flirted with singin, but I really can’t sing, I failed “Tom Sawyer” on EASY! Though my Glados interpretation was apparently spot on! Drums bug the shit out of me, I’m not willing to put in the hours of practice needed to get my leg working independently of my arms. And bass just makes be really jealous of whoever is playing the guitar part. Then couple that with the fact that I have played all of the songs over and over (notably sick of: I Think I’m Paranoid, Orange Crush, Maps and Creep), and the DLC just is not doing it for me, Though this may change as there is apparently six full albums of DLC coming out today!!!

Anyways, so I was playing Guitar Hero with my troops, and I just found it more, fun. The mechanics for Hammer-ons and Pull-offs are much better in the GH series, plus playing the songs is more of a challenge. So after a bit of discussion about the Guitar in Rock band which is all I care about TBFH) versus Guitar Hero, we decided that Rockband is more angles for the general public or a family situation, whereas Guitar hero is more catered for the hardcore Rhythm gamers. Which makes me wonder, will they keep this formulae for the up and coming Guitar hero 4, or will Rock band 2 step up its game a bit since it is now established? In any case I’m buying both, but I’m finding myself getting more excited about Guitar hero 4, despite the lack of confirmed tracks.

Elsewhere, I have decided to hate my Wii. One of the main reasons I wanted the Wii was for Super Smash Brothers Brawl, being a big fan of Melee. I played it recently and it is sub par. The graphics are EXACTLY the same as the gamecube version, but with less game options and modes. Which just makes me wonder why on earth I still have it.

2. Trade [Richie]: WTS [Nintendo Wii].

Even the titles I’m looking forward to are now only on my 360!

19th September – Force Unleashed.
26th September – Silent Hill.
26th September – Lego Batman
24th October – Fable 2. (Dependant on a review, forgive me for not trusting Molyneux)
7th November – Gears of War 2
TBC – Street Fighter IV
TBC – Mortal Kombat vs DC
TBC – Ghostbusters
TBC – Rockband 2
TBC – Guitar hero 4

Slight rogue DS title that may come out this year is Chrono Trigger, I fucking love that game, and could totally dig some time ravelling Square RPG action on my DS.

This is gonna be an awesome Autumn/ Winter :D

P.S. Throw in Wrath of the Lich King in there as a TBC too. Stupid WoW.




Luv n Bum hugs,

Richie XXX

Console in grooming scandal

Fanboy…. It seems a harmless term, no?

In most cases fanboyism starts when someone claims to prefer one system’s merits over another. Be it the aesthetic qualities, technological differences or accessibility.

People generally have to choose one particular system due to pricing, and dependant on the “flavour of the generation” people will change their arguments. In the case of the current generation you have a new breed of Nintendo fanboy who chose that system because of the “innovative” Wii-mote, these people will claim that graphics are non-essential and that gameplay is core. Or in the case of the 360, more and more 360 fanboys are cropping up as previously PS2 players bite the bullet, and buy a 360 due to the extensive catalogue and pricing which the PS3 cannot currently offer. That’s all fair and good these are good reasons to buy the consoles. But it does not stop there, certain people then feel that they then have to either justify their purchase, either with almost religious like following, or by unfoundedly slandering any competitor systems.

These are the fanyboys* and considering the previous points, I would like to point out that these people are bigots.

Bigot: noun, someone who is persistently prejudiced, and refuses to tolerate the opinions of others.

It disgusts me how people can openly say “I’m a Nintendo Fanboy”, I hear “I am bigoted against every other system and will not hear anything against my almighty saviour Nintendo”. The internet is filled with literally thousands of Mien-Kampf-esqe gamerblogs. Proudly shouting out that they are Fanboys (Bigots).

I hear the fanboys cry in outrage, “I merely support [Console], how is that different from supporting a football team.”, and it is a point. But not a very good point, look at football fans, they are amongst some of the most unabashedly devout and committed bigots. The only acceptable football fans you will see are fans of football itself: these are the commentators that show appreciation for how a goal was set up, these are the people that come away from a game with acceptance, these are the people that shake the hands of their competitors and remark, “good game”. We shall not mention a certain European championship qualification game between a certain country located on the northern part of the UK and a certain county that may or may not be shaped like a boot.

But with that analogy I digress.

With these console wars, people are being forced to choose sides, and are being forced into different camps, this is teaching kids segregation amongst their peers, and we all know how cruel kids can be to each other. But this instils the bigotry seed in their brain. And when these kids decide to check on the internet searching for PS3 and arrive at a PS3 fanboy site they will read the unfounded prejudice remarks such as, “Nintendo is teh SuXXorZ”. They are then given the opportunity expand on this because they have found a “community” of like minded wnakers.

What does this teach us? Because of the social ineptness that usually is accompanied with gamers, these people are the most easily swayed by trends, peer pressure or Cult Leaders. This allows people to be swayed into buying more hardware and place more pressure on the poor developers who are forced into programming for ridiculous systems.

Criticism should be left to people who can argue a point without resorting to, “Takes one to know one” when they get flustered from a point which can destroy their belief system in a particular system.

Choosing a system to play games may seem like a commitment because you are parting with hard-earned ca$h, and/or you have bought into media hype. But before you go restraining yourself to one platform remember that there are other people out there who may prefer the comfort of the PS3 controller, the pick-up-and-playability of the Wii or the Online community of the 360. Remember to state a preference is justified, to slander another is bigoted.


*There is of course another breed of fanboy, the ones that latch onto old consoles that have long since faded away probably because their only memory of daddy was when he came home with a Master System, before deserting them, leaving them without an assertive father figure, and the only masculine role model (aside from the slurry of men to turned up at the door and gave you 5 pounds to go out and play with your friends, whilst they had some private time with your mum) was a blue hedgehog named Sonic.

Super Smash Brothers Brawl

OK there was that video and then the really good official site and then that hideous sound as 100 million Nintendo fanboys and fangirls started typing up their wish lists. There was widespread panic and confusion. Despite the fact that it was very clear this still happened (check out the retarded comments). My favourite is this

"Um…considering that Final Fantasy is only for Playstation, I doubt that they’d include characters from the series. If anything, it’d probably be a moogle or chocobo since they’re in pretty much every game of the series. I would, however, really like to see Sonic in this game (and Spyro)."

Oh how they got called a 'noob' because everyone knows that the worst 6 Final Fantasies before it ('it' being FFVII the most acceptable of the series. That's right acceptable, not as good as you claim it was. Especially the 'story') were on the SNES. However, I can out-noob all the noobs who pointed out that this guy was a noob because of all the final fantasy characters in that awful Mario Hoops 3 on 3 game for the DS. So shut up noobs, all of you.

Anyway we've just come back from an exclusive meeting over at Smash Brothers Towers and we can reveal the finalised character list. We've been told not to break strict embargo but we want to give the fans what they want:

Firstly: Cloud, Sora, Sonic, Shadow, Bomberman and any Naruto characters are not in it. Mostly because Nintendo don't want to touch FFVII after Ergheiz. Did you play that Cloud Fanboy89? No? Well go and play it and die of shame over your homo dream date. The same goes for Sora in that no one liked generic brown haired boys in Super Smash Brothers Melee, that's why Marth, Roy and Ness have been scrapped. Sonic and Shadow are some of the worst ideas for entrance in Super Smash Brothers Brawl. It's just not happening. Why ruin one of the most acclaimed game series with two of the worst videogame characters in recent years, and by characters I mean the ones from the game not the ones from your Amy RosexHarry Potter fan fictions.

The official finalised character list for Super Smash Brothers Brawl is:

Tingle
Dunsparce (Pokemon)
Slippy
and the annoying rabbit from Super Mario 64, the one that runs away.

Unlockable characters:
Dakrai (Pokemon)
Dakrai will be unlockable and you can transfer him to Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. However, if you do this you can no longer use him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

Other Unlockables:
Some wallpapers and the videos from the Super Smash Brothers Dojo site.

Yep you read it here first, well probably on Kotaku and then you came here via a link

Let's Do........ Griefing: A Guide

Griefing has been in games for a long time. A modern definition would certainly be mostly about racism, sexism and all the other 'isms' towards other players particularly in multiverses, MMORPGs and online games with text or voice chat. However, griefing has been around in games for a while. Lets look to the origins of this much maligned behaviour.

Griefing first originated in games where you could directly affect other players. For me and the Catch The Monkey And Other Games B69 (the name given to the merry band of gamers that I used to play with) peeps the first precursors to griefing behaviour could be found in Micro Machines on the Mega Drive.
A well timed nudge before a jump or on a thin walkway would send the other player spiralling to doom. Remember this is a Micro Machines before weapons and powerups. Then strategies would start to develop to counter act nudging. The classic braking before someone goes to nudge you means that they end up facing the other way and you can race off for the win. No doubt other gamers have different landmarks but for me this was the first instance of in game behaviour that was contrary to the main objective of the game, to race to the edge of the screen; underhand tactics.

The next phase in the history of griefing is friendly fire in co-operative games. One press of a button would change a cooperative mission into an all out deathmatch. I site hours of split screen co-op Doom. I would spend hours with Chuff_72 in a deathmatch of our own making. Many other games allowed friendly fire which would, temporarily, shift the emphasis of the game to beating the other player rather than complete the level or dungeon until one or either players get bored and then progress would continue as 'normal'.

Then as games allowed more complex interactions between avatars; chatting, fighting and emoting griefing behaviour also evolved. Much of the griefing behaviour that is complained about in news articles, blogs and forums simply falls under harassment. Rude remarks and lewd avatar poses are the kinds of things that people complain about but as one famous griefer commented "This is low level shit". It's no-brainer behaviour just setting out to abuse other players. This kind of griefing has a high profile and many companies and individuals work hard to prevent it by banning or reputation systems. Why do they do it? Well, because it's fun. Regardless of whether you think it is or not, GRIEFERS GET PLEASURE from seeing you squirm or flail or try to get indignant.
Griefers often know a game inside and out and they are bored by the game. Raiding, instancing, grinding are for the most part dull. Aggravating other players on the contrary is fun. Often because victims are so helpless. Retorts like "You are so Immature" or "Go back to your Mom's basement" (an American retort) pleases griefers. They have offended you in game and all you can manage is a parent like criticism, a plea to courtesy or respect will get you nowhere. Other than attempts at reasoning what are you going to do? What are you going to do to stop them? Nothing. You can't and even if you could they know the game better than you. They'll see what you are trying to do and outwit you again and again and again and when you are most insulted you start to insult back and then you've lost. By stooping to their level when at first you accused them of being immature you have lost. They have made you become what you object to the most. Your best bet is to run away or ignore them. There is no adaptive strategy like in our Micro Machines or Doom examples. You can't fight back (unless you are PvP'ing) and any reasoning through text chat excites the griefers more.

In my view, Camping, Spawncamping and other behaviours which are seen to not be "in the spirit of the game" aren't griefing behaviours. As a player individual, or a player as part of a team you can come up with a strategy of play to take down a camper. Taking out campers as part of a team, for me, is when play is at it's best. You have to empathise with the sniper or whatever. What are they expecting you to do? Can you distract them or put them off at all? I've seen a tank and two ghosts taken out by a sniper and I've seen Battle Grounds in WoW where the Horde continue to wipe out the Alliance because they were uncoordinated. It's griefing that you can do something about. You can't blame people for playing the game how it's supposed to be played. So shut up complaining or go back to the one player campaign. Yes, it isn't fun getting rinsed. I've had experiences on Gears of War, Tribes and Quake when a team of semi pros suddenly joins a game and they are good. They take you out with clinical precision and don't bother with corpse humping or other such behaviour. They're too professional. I know it sucks to lose but when you eventually take them out it feels good. Like I say. NOT GRIEFING.

The next level of griefing is one that involves more creativity and gets respect in the same way that hackers seem to get respect for breaking a code or system. This is system wide or game wide griefing. It is often ingenious, time consuming and well recorded. Examples are shootings and atomic bombs in second life, The Great Scam in EVE ONLINE, giant prostitute pictures at the Second Life Big Brother Bash, Crashing an in-game funeral in WoW and Floating Penises in Second Life during a CNET interview with Anshe Chung. I'm sure there are more but this is just a selection. This kind of griefing is a step up from mere insults or lewdness. It's using the games systems and players personas to cause widespread chaos and to generally seek attention. But again, what are you going to do about it? Many of the above examples are from Second Life and it's because there is so much freedom that these things happen. Whether or not the Great Scam in EVE Online is real or not, I can't say but it's another example of people playing the game. So what to do?

In the future I'd like to see vigilante, or counter griefer, groups appear. You don't see the good or the great gamers getting griefed, they're too good. The griefing in World of Warcraft is allowed to happen because people want to be nice to each other and not be forced to fight. The game is called World of Warcraft but yet on some servers you can't even beat up any ne'erdowells. Another point is that ultimately griefing is boring. Youtube 'griefing' to get the view of those doing the griefing in WoW, Second Life, EverySource game. It's boring, often mind numbingly dull yet they do it relentlessly. The more inventive griefers go to a lot of pains to find glitches or exploits in skills, tech trees or trades only to use them too much in one day and get the behaviour or the exploit fixed or blocked soon after. They are willing to invest a lot of time and effort for sometimes a few hours of 'fun'.

All in all I think it's fascinating and as a gamer I like to relate to my avatar. If I start to get grief I want to think or react my way out of it. I don't want to run to the message boards or GM's and complain. Also a griefer on your side can be a great anti-grief deterrent so maybe reacting out of hand straight away isn't the way to avoid grief. It probably attracts it.

Thinking and ranting, thinking and ranting. If you aren't convinced by that then just go here

Book reading is turning all our kids into obese, gay, terrorists

Hi, my name is Cunzy1 1 and I have an axe to grind. I'm going to spout my point of view as fact and back it up with misinformation and uninformed hearsay. Today, I've got an issue with kids reading books, especially homoerotic books about wizards and dragons and the such.

Gone are the days when children would come home from school, play a few rounds of Quake 2 with their friends and then sit and talk to each other over a nice dinner between friends and families. These days kids are obsessed with reading books about 'wizards' who use 'majicks' to 'save the day'. They are becoming mindless zombies sat tranfixed with words on a page barely moving save to turn a page or to 'shoot up' some heroin which they learned from another book about drug abuse. People in bookshops don't care, they rarely check ID when the lazy slob children come in to buy the next installment of Manly McMan's book about shooting and killing real people from nearly real countries. The parents don't care either. They don't sit down and read books with their children they just keep buying them books so that the children don't notice when 'Uncle' Jenny comes round when Daddy is away.

Yet they maintain all the knowledge they get from reading books and what use is it? Dragons and terrorists don't exist in real life. This knowledge is useless. Also, it's affecting education. We all know that evolution, earth history and phylogeny isn't taught at school anymore but children just aren't playing dinosaur and other prehistoric animal games anymore they are obsessed with reading filthy books like Jurassic Park or Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World. Disgusting. It's no wonder all our children are obese terrorists. My parent's generation certainly didn't read books and my generation dabbled in the written word behind the school sheds but just once to try it.

SAVE OUR CHILDREN! BURN THEM OR BOOKS