They should probably sue Sony

'Free lads' have been arrested for mimicking drive-bys using a 'PlayStation Gun'. The beeb knows the score.

"The gun was found to be a silver plastic PlayStation gun. "

Shoddy reporting from the beeb. Was it a G-con? A G-con 2? G-con 3? Or was it a MadCatz pile of shit? Either way the boys should sue Sony because there is fuck all you can do with a PlayStation light gun these days so what other option do kids have after purchasing expensive peripherals that are in no way supported by new platforms.

In unrelated news:

Here is a list of light gun games for the PlayStation and PlayStation 2 you cannot play on the PS3.

Area 51 (Justifier)
Crypt Killer (Justifier)
Die Hard Trilogy (Justifier)
Die Hard Trilogy 2: Viva Las Vegas (Justifier/Guncon)
Elemental Gearbolt (Justifier/GunCon)
Extreme Ghostbusters: Ultimate Invasion (GunCon)
Ghoul Panic (GunCon)
Gunfighter: The Legend of Jesse James (GunCon)
Judge Dredd (GunCon)
Lethal Enforcers 1&2 (Justifier)
Maximum Force (Justifier/GunCon)
Mighty Hits Special (JPN, GunCon)
Moorhuhn series (GunCon)
Point Blank series (GunCon)
Project Horned Owl (Justifier)
Rescue Shot (GunCon)
Resident Evil: Gun Survivor (JPN/PAL versions) (GunCon)
Time Crisis (GunCon)
Time Crisis: Project Titan (GunCon)

Death Crimson OX+ (JP) aka Guncom 2 (EU)
Dino Stalker (EU/NA) aka Gun Survivor 3: Dino Crisis (JP)
Endgame
Gunfighter 2 (EU only)
Gunvari Collection + Time Crisis (JP only)
Ninja Assault
Police 24/7 * Also uses a USB Camera (EU/JP Only)
Resident Evil: Dead Aim (EU/NA) aka Gun Survivor 4 Biohazard: Heroes Never Die (JP)
Resident Evil: Survivor 2 Code: Veronica (EU) aka Gun Survivor 2 Biohazard Code: Veronica (JP)
Starsky and Hutch
Time Crisis: Crisis Zone
Time Crisis II
Time Crisis 3
Vampire Night
Virtua Cop: Elite Edition (EU) aka Virtua Cop Re-Birth (JP)

Here is a list of light gun games you can play on the PS3

Time Crisis 4 (Guncon 3) (Namco, 2007) 6/10 game at best.

Gotta love backwards compatability! And yes, we can and will keep this up until the PS3 is discontinued (ETD December 2009).

Little Sales, Big Joke

Of course I am talking about LittleBigPlanet. Remember the hype? The endless conference videos showing the game, Kotaku, GameSpot and every other popular gaming blog totally selling out to Media molecule? Those annoying videos where someone recreated another game in LBP, a game that you could probably by on the virtual console anyway? Did anyone see the akward TV spots?


This is egg on the face of all those with high hopes for this "game" and ultimately a sign that a game like LBP may be great in an office full of game journalists with a shared PS3 but for the average joe? It seems that Mario Kart Wii will do fine.

So where does this leave the PS3? Pretty much all the stuff that was due for launch finally came out and it all came out with a poof! Rather than a bang. Is anyone even playing MGS4? No, thought not. Resistance 2 and Resistance? HA! Ummm... Home? Oh not out yet. So much for killer aps.

Looks like the 360 fanboys won the skirmish, battle and war. Just in time for their 360s to be turned into Wiis. Unlucky.

360 are Losers?

Sooo, Kotaku have posted this...

The analysts at DFC Intelligence have gazed into the crystal ball to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Sony. But it's far worse for Microsoft. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the PlayStation 3 but that Sony should expect to lose a "big chunk" of the PS2 install base. Wii is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the PS3 may.

The analyzing wizards at DFC see an Xbox future filled with doom and gloom, with the 360 "continuing to struggle" in Europe, despite UK acceptance. They have better news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2008 expected "to break all kinds of sales records." And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

"Release the GEGH!!!!

DFC Intelligence. Perhaps the three letters stand for ‘Donthavea Fucking Clue’. Similarly, I’d wager the ‘Intelligence’ part comes filed under ‘oxymoron’.

FROM HERE ON, ANALYSTS WILL BE CALLED ‘PROFESSIONAL GUESSERS’, OR ‘PROGUESSERS’.

So the new report calls for ‘strong’ sales of the PS3. FFS - SONY HAVE BEEN CALLING FOR STRONG SALES OF THE PS3 SINCE THEIR PISS-POOR LAUNCH DAY WHERE THEY HAD TO GIVE OUT 42” TV’S BEFORE ANYONE WOULD BUY THEIR BLU-RAY TROJAN HORSE.

Sony have already lost a big chunk of their PS2 install base and guess which console they’ve been lost to? Yes, the XBOX360. STRANGELY ENOUGH, THE XBOX360 IS A GAMES MACHINE. I actually feel a little sympathetic to those folk who believed in Sony’s propaganda, as EVERYONE WHO COUNTS is playing the latest, greatest games on Xbox Live. With easy multiplayer invites. And voice comms.

(Actually, I’ve changed my mind since writing that last paragraph indicating sympathy to the Sony loyalists – FUCK THOSE LOSERS THAT BOUGHT A PS3. I TOLD THEM IT’D BE SHIT, BUT THEY BELIEVED SONY RATHER THAN ME AND FOR THAT, DESERVE THE RIDICULE.)

Wii is expected to dominate but won’t move software like the PS3?

STUPID PROGUESSER, THE XBOX 360 IS THE CONSOLE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUY *GAMES* FOR. NOT SOME SHIT “EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN AND BALLBAG” SYSTEM FOR UNDER-5’s AND OVER-50’s.

Let me point something out to you, Mr. Guesser.

Thursday 17th April, 2008 - Xbox 360 is the number one next-gen console in EMEA, owning 42% of the market in terms of life-to-date revenue. Xbox 360 continues to enjoy the highest software attach rate of any game console in Europe with more than 7.0 games sold per console (PS3: 3.8; Wii 3.5) after 27 months on the market.

Please indicate where the ‘struggle’ you indicate the Xbox is going through?.

Finally, many proguessers abide by the 51% rule; if you get at least 51% of your predictions right, you're a good proguesser. So, let me spin that initial article around for the other 49%:

“The analysts at GEGH Stupidity have gazed into the crystal ballbag to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Microsoft. But it's far worse for Sony & Nintendo. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the Xbox360 but knew that Microsoft expected to lose a "big chunk" of the Xbox install base. PS3 is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the Wii may.

The professionally guessing idiots at GEGH see a PS3 future filled with doom and gloom, with the PS3 "continuing to struggle" worldwide, despite minimal Japanese acceptance. They have bad news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2009 expected "to not break any records." That’s because I predict there won’t be any games coming out in 2009.”

SO I’LL TAKE MY 250K SALARY NOW YOU FUCKING ASSHATS.

GIANT PROFESSIONAL GUESSING HERO

Representing GEGH Stupidity Inc.

Love n' hugs...

HCI my heartstrings

Ugh, so I was playing Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 (Terrorist Hunt) the other day as I was playing it I was finding myself more and more frustrated about the positioning of the analogue sticks on the 360 controller. To the point where I decided to have a look into third party controllers that have the analogue sticks in the "correct" positions. But to no avail. It seems as though the entire gaming community has become enamoured with the layout of the 360 joypad. I found myself (dual)shocked by this, the Playstation controller is staple in my mind, I'm pretty sure when I die and rigor mortis sets in my hands will clamp up on my chest in the exact position to hold a Dualshock 2. Yeah, so I was (dual)shocked that there were no Madcatz, or whatever third party controllers, that had decided rip off the Dualshock design and create a controller for the 360. I even went as far as to check if there were some crazy mod sites out there that maybe did it, then I find that thay have actually done the opposite, and put a PS controller in a 360 controller:

What the hell?!?? Now I'm not going to making any claims that the Playstation controller was perfect, but it was a damn-site better than the 360 controller. Even the Wii-mote looks less childish than the 360 controller. My griefs don't just lie in the analogue stick positioning, the D-Pad is a joke, everyone at some point had owned a "gaypad" and I am eternally reminded of them when using the 360 D-Pad, the original Playstation made up for this with making them feel like individual up/down/left/right buttons, rather than one hefty lump of kinder-surprise plastic. Thankfully most of the games on the 360 only use the D-Pad sparingly, for maybe switching weapons etc. heaven forbid trying to use it for the retro live arcade games, Sonic was painful and Streetfighter was impossible.

Secondly, the bumper buttons, AKA "R1" and "L1", they enrage me, not only are they badly positioned, in gaming terms it feels like a mile to jump from the trigger to the bumper button*, but they are also crap at being buttons, their singular use! Let's take Devil May Cry 4 as an example (surprise) the Right Bumper is the button, by default, that you use for locking on to enemies, however holding that awkwardly placed button down whilst pulling of rapid button is not fun, I often find that I lose the target despite the button being pressed. I dunno if it is just my controller(s) but the button is not a button, its more like a light switch. flawed.

This is one of the first things that has made me feel like an old gamer. Though the Dualshock is only a few years old I have become accustomed to it, and everyone is flapping on about the 360 being the superior pad. Am I missing something? Apparently the arrangement of the analogue sticks is meant to differentiate the player controls and the camera controls akin to WASD and mouse controls, that's a maybe, I never had an issue with it in the past with the Dualshock, and it certainly doesn't let me forgive the pads other flaws.

Campaign: Dualshock 3 on Xbox 360 starts today.

Luv n' Hugs

Richie X

*and don't give me that pish about using your middle finger for the trigger button, its a trigger button -.-

Under the Radar

Woah! The game based on Lost (360/PC/PS3) is out at the end of this week. When did that happen? Last I heard about it was that it was being made... and now it's being released. From what I have seen it looks pretty snazzy, though it doesn't have the original voice cast, which may end up being quite jarring. The reviews have all been quite positive. Still can't believe this one escaped me...

Also due out this week:

Lost Oddesey (Note: Pre-order this bad-boy from HMV)
Beautiful Katamari

Bye bye Paycheck -.-

Laters,

Richie X

It is like the dessert.

Yeah it's like the desert! I'm sad at not being part of what we could now call 'this gen' and I think that all the players have had an ample chance to win my, an avid gamer’s, attention. I have been singly just utterly unimpressed by the PS3 post launch. Re-hashed 360 titles, mediocre generic titles and a blu-ray drive just don't justify spending that much ££££. Sorry guys you've had a while to get me onside, but I’m not convinced. Or am I?

FTW!!!!!

Think about it, think about holding that controller: the back of it resting against the ulnarial digits (Ring and pinkie fingers), the index and middle fingers slowly curve round and rest, in a kind cosmic alignment, on the shoulder button and triggers. The thumbs circle themselves round, they hover slightly, the tip of the right thumb grazes the 4 buttons, circle, triangle, square and the ball of the thumb comes to rest on X. The right thumb caresses the D-Pad, almost admiring the contours of the different material, pushing against the extra friction is causes, snaking in and out of the valleys between the 4 classic primordial direction buttons. The thumbs them move, they passionately move up, forcing themselves upon the analogue sticks. They click the R3 and L3 buttons. At that point… that familiar clicking sound, everything feels right, it’s Playstation, the old friend, the old buddy, the one who is always there. So what if you don’t have many games right now, hell none of them did at the start, but we all know in our heart-of-hearts that the time of the Playstation has not yet come. Rejecting the PS3 is like turning out a close friend into the cold streets, just because you don’t find him interesting any more.

The PS3 controller is the most mature of the bunch. It takes the classic formulae and expands it, it adds motion sensitivity, but in a good way, it is refined, you won’t be flailing about like an autistic monkey with a piece of string, and above all, the D-Pad and analogue sticks are in the right place, don’t let Microsoft tell you different.

As for games, again in your heart of hearts you know they will be better than the Wii, and pretty much similar to the 360, but they will feel better on the PS3.

PROJECT: You know the PS3 is right for you, but wait for the price drop and more releases.

Xbox 360 fund = £0
Wii fund = £0

That Guy's A Hypocrite

Yeah. Yeah we're hypocrites. Not so long ago we used to call the Xbox 360 the Gaybox 360 (back in our homophobic days but, like all my friends are gay so whatever) and we used to call the Wii the StupidNintendoNoReleasesInEurope-Machine. We still call the Wii the StupidNintendoNoReleasesInEurope-Machine but that's besides the point. Now we are widely perceived by the mass readership as Sony-haters. Well, Mr. I don't particularly like or hate Sony in the same way that I don't love or hate Rowntrees, Oxo or YKK (the zip brand. I fucking hate YKK as a first name and I hate people who call zips, zippers).

Anyway,here we cum buckets for Sony and this is why:

1) Timesplitters and Timesplitters 2. (Yeah but the GameCube..NOPE)
2) GTA (Yeah but the Xbox...FUCK OFF)

Here is TEN reasons why you should buy a PS3, right now:
1) Because you are a bender (robot not rear gunner).
2) To go down in history as the 5th person to buy a PS3 in the world.
3) To prop up your TV.
4) To tie to someone's leg so they sink properly.
5) To live in.
6) To keep your PS2, DvD player and old multitaps in use.
7) To piss off hippies.
8) To make PC owners unhappy.
9) As an easy way to go bankrupt.
10) To play NHL2K7.

I could go on but I daren't.

In other news:

• Nintendo announce negative 20 more games for the Wii bringing the total number of games up to -2.
  Another Pinball Game, Poor Man's Brain Age and a Bomberman Game released for the DS.
• Richie in shock 4 post bonanza. Scientists 'clueless'.
• Ms. Bea Havin from 1990s Playstation Pro Magazine gets more than her two usual commentors on a post! Meanwhile TGAM readership soars to almost double figures!
• Hellbound Angels announced officially as missing presumed AFK. Although we had our differences I'll miss Jenny, Tara and Kevin. May you RP in Heaven.
• Cunzy1 1 still playing Paraworld and taking screenshots and inserting them indiscriminantly into TGAM posts whilst shamelessly advertising his own half completed Dinosaur in Games Blog.

Wow! With all this exciting news, Sony chose a really bad day to launch.

No reason to buy a PS3

If you had asked me a week ago, "Do you want to get a PS3?". Despite Cunzy's AIDs analogy I would have said, "maybe" for only a few reasons:

1. The controller. I have no idea where people get off mocking the PS3 controller, as far as I can see, it is nothing but an improvement on the "best-controller-ever" for the PS2. This time it has no wires, and is motion sensitive. The lack of a rumble pack, killed me slightly inside, but apparently that has been sorted. Whatever company was suing them about it had lost. (You may have heard rumours that the rumble pack was not included due to the Motion sensor affecting it, this was "Sony Lies", well not really, it does affect the motion sensor they are gonna include an on/off switch for the rumble feature letting the user decide whether or not they want this feature.)

2. It's the PS3. It seems that everyone has become quite jaded towards this word, despite all the worry and the excessive costs it's the next step up from the PS2!!!! The NEXT PS2! The PS2 was awesome! Remember...

3. The games. The most important and defining classification for any of these new platforms. Since it's the PS3 we can only hope that those defining titles will continue to be produced for the PS3 such as:

GTA 4: Nope it appears that GTA will be released for the 360.

Resident Evil 5: If you remember, Capcom jumped ship and put the last one on the Gamecube first, as it seems, they are not to loyal to Playstation for this title, and uh-oh, it's gonna be released on the 3600 too.

Metal Gear Splinter: Nuff said.

So what does that leave where are the big players? You know the MAJOR franchises something that is PS3 exclusive, something that could maybe define a platform, something that suits the Playstation controller, and could maybe be evolved in some way with the PS3 motion sensor! Wait a minute! What was one of the first titles announced for the PS3... It's on the tip of my tongue... Oh yeah!



Devil May Cry 4: Dante, and some pleb are to return in the next instalment of the series, exclusi... what... Oh it's out on the 360 too? ... Is there any point in forking out for the PS3... Controller? Pffft that hardly makes it worth it...

Game Over Sony.