We need an ability to project the Penis in to other rooms!

So yeah Project: Natal? We all know and realise it is a glorified Wiimote (but better). But it must have some use in that moral grey area dividing sex and games, here are a couple of suggestions.

1. Interactive Web chat.
Webcams all over the world are currently being used to allow wannabe pornstars work from home, and using the conduit of the internet project themseves naked into the bedrooms of curious teenagers who stole their parents credit card. So why not apply this to Natal, allowing gamer chicks to make some cash to fund their habbit. Hell I can see in the near future a website of gamer chicks avatars showing who is online and you just buy their gamertag. So where does Natal play into this? Well from those of you that saw the Natal preview you'll have seen that there were two burds discussing what outfit to wear and projecting it on them. Cue the frenchmaid, dominatrix and Jill Valentine outfits... But how will this funtion from the fappers point of view? Well ideally you need a game, something that will count your strokes per minute, maximum speed, hand switches, timing, and distance.

2. Multiplayer Ratings.
This does not need to be entirely limited to sad lonely people sitting in front of their 360 sitting next to their collector edition boxsets, painstakingly arranged to look like a "girl". Hell no! Since Natal can identify multiple persons, what's wrong with a 2 (or more) player game which can "script" the activities, changing positions, state tempo... oh man! the possibilities are endless...

Oh and the achievements!

You got her right between the eyes!

The more the merrier.

You got the Natal Cam involved.

The 'achievement blip' got you there.

Never mind online competitive multiplayer, leaderboards and perhaps you can unlock some interesting new outfits for your Avatars?

Remember you heard it here first...

Thatguys Baby!!!

Anal massages,

Richie

360 controller i can dig!

Finally!

HCI my heartstrings

Ugh, so I was playing Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 (Terrorist Hunt) the other day as I was playing it I was finding myself more and more frustrated about the positioning of the analogue sticks on the 360 controller. To the point where I decided to have a look into third party controllers that have the analogue sticks in the "correct" positions. But to no avail. It seems as though the entire gaming community has become enamoured with the layout of the 360 joypad. I found myself (dual)shocked by this, the Playstation controller is staple in my mind, I'm pretty sure when I die and rigor mortis sets in my hands will clamp up on my chest in the exact position to hold a Dualshock 2. Yeah, so I was (dual)shocked that there were no Madcatz, or whatever third party controllers, that had decided rip off the Dualshock design and create a controller for the 360. I even went as far as to check if there were some crazy mod sites out there that maybe did it, then I find that thay have actually done the opposite, and put a PS controller in a 360 controller:

What the hell?!?? Now I'm not going to making any claims that the Playstation controller was perfect, but it was a damn-site better than the 360 controller. Even the Wii-mote looks less childish than the 360 controller. My griefs don't just lie in the analogue stick positioning, the D-Pad is a joke, everyone at some point had owned a "gaypad" and I am eternally reminded of them when using the 360 D-Pad, the original Playstation made up for this with making them feel like individual up/down/left/right buttons, rather than one hefty lump of kinder-surprise plastic. Thankfully most of the games on the 360 only use the D-Pad sparingly, for maybe switching weapons etc. heaven forbid trying to use it for the retro live arcade games, Sonic was painful and Streetfighter was impossible.

Secondly, the bumper buttons, AKA "R1" and "L1", they enrage me, not only are they badly positioned, in gaming terms it feels like a mile to jump from the trigger to the bumper button*, but they are also crap at being buttons, their singular use! Let's take Devil May Cry 4 as an example (surprise) the Right Bumper is the button, by default, that you use for locking on to enemies, however holding that awkwardly placed button down whilst pulling of rapid button is not fun, I often find that I lose the target despite the button being pressed. I dunno if it is just my controller(s) but the button is not a button, its more like a light switch. flawed.

This is one of the first things that has made me feel like an old gamer. Though the Dualshock is only a few years old I have become accustomed to it, and everyone is flapping on about the 360 being the superior pad. Am I missing something? Apparently the arrangement of the analogue sticks is meant to differentiate the player controls and the camera controls akin to WASD and mouse controls, that's a maybe, I never had an issue with it in the past with the Dualshock, and it certainly doesn't let me forgive the pads other flaws.

Campaign: Dualshock 3 on Xbox 360 starts today.

Luv n' Hugs

Richie X

*and don't give me that pish about using your middle finger for the trigger button, its a trigger button -.-