That Guys Interviews Again!

The other day we were reading the TGAM archives and laughing out loud at ourselves. Out loud. That’s pretty wrong no? But it was when we were reading the TGAM archives that we realised that WE ARE FUCKING GAMING CELEBRITIES!

Yes folks, without actually knowing it we went from mediocrity to gaming celebrity stardom. Like that news about the goose that levelled up and became a swan that time. Here is the story about how we discovered we were celebrities (this will probably be in our second autobiography when we publish our book now we are gaming celebrities).

We got a link on Kotaku once and not one of those news stealing links a proper link for creating something unique.

Our best friend totally met Pentadact, secretly James secretely Tom at University. He even emailed him to check and Tom emailed back. What a nice chap.

We insult Richard Cobbett on a regular basis and he doesn’t even hate us.

We interviewed that photographer who did the Devil May Cry shoot for Front magazine.

We are listed as an industry link on the RamRaider.

We got an emoticon from Graeme Norgate. A true gaming legend.

We once wrote to ONM magazine and they wrote back.

A guy we used to live with is in a photo over on Another Little Dissapointment. We have given our stalkers key information here!

One of us is credited in over a dozen video games!

We fake interviewed Leigh Alexander and then she left us a comment!

We got some love from Rock Paper Shotgun.

This pretty much cements our place as genuine gaming celebrities, which falls just under Z list celebrity in the following classification:

A list celebrities. You did something good once and didn’t disappear. Nowadays you can release crap albums or crap films and nobody says anything because you are that big.

B list celebrities. The people who make the world go round behind the scenes. Directors, music producers and authors. Nobody knows who you are on the street but you get just as many column inches, free coke and blow jobs from C-E listers as those A list fuckers

C list celebrities. Footballers and people who suck off footballers.

Bored of this now, SKIP DOWN PAST Z LIST THEN GO THROUGH THE PUNCTUATION AND THEN ONTO THE NUMBERS.

11. Gaming Celebrities. Famous people who are famous only for doing things related to gaming. Do not confuse Gaming Celebrities with Celebrities that Game (see 24) like that cunt Iaiaiaian Lee and the one who did James Bond after Pierce Morgan.
The first thing we did when we discovered we were gaming celebrities. We had a wank in the mirror, filmed it on a digital camera, transferred the video to the Wii and then did a 100+ piece video puzzle of us repeatedly wanking into the mirror. That’s how fucking next gen we are. Can you do that on an Xbox 360? No? For those of you having gay gaming celebrity fantasies about us around about now, we taped a flattened cardboard box to the mirror so we couldn’t see each others wangs. That would be gay. Except now that we are gaming celebrities being gay sometimes is fine.

The second thing we did when we discovered we were gaming celebrities. We got wank guilt and watched the news (Channel 5).

The next relevant to this post thing we did. Not wanting to miss an exclusive we interviewed ourselves thus improving out own gaming celebrity status considering that we are only the second gaming celebrity to be interviewed following that interview with lovely Leigh Alexander. Here is our first exclusive interview with gaming celebrities TGAM.

TGAM: Welcome TGAM.
TGAM: Hello and may I say what a fantastic pleasure it is to be here, getting interviewed by the World’s Second Best Gaming Blog in the World Ever.
TGAM: You flatter us TGAM but you must be used to all this, after all you did start your career writing for a gaming blog.
TGAM: Well, may I say what an refreshing change it is for bloggers having done some research before the interview.
TGAM: Well that is what you get here. Our commitment to getting the latest news to our readers is our driving force.
TGAM: Well in the states they are saying this year is your year TGAM!
TGAM: They say the same about you TGAM. Now tell us are you familiar with Family Reunion by Blink 182?
TGAM: Yeah. Yeah we know that song.
TGAM: It goes like this: ´Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat´
TGAM: Okay, yeah.
TGAM: Then it goes ´I fucked your mom´. Is that song about your mom TGAM?
TGAM has signed out of chat.

So thanks to TGAM. I think you'll agree it was a great interview. Next week: Well hopefully it is someone that doesn't check the blog (= a shitload of people).

The Bona Fide list of confirmed Gaming Celebrities so far: Leigh Alexander, is he/isn't he Gabe Newell and us. For those entrepeneurs starting a gaminbg celebrity version of Heat we have 1500 photos of us, each one we are selling for £4.50, £3.50 for topless ones.

That Guys Interviews.

Gaming is trying hard to be mainstream, even though it already is but not in the way many gamers gamers can appreciate because they are too busy grinding and cyberring to spend enough time in the real world. A world without elves and muscle men and barrels and princesses and invisible walls. One thing that might help the deluded to believe that gaming is more mainstream is if we create some Gaming Celebrities. That way we join the common woman by slating off how fat, ugly, beautiful, stylish, hideous and underweight our favourite gaming people are and we can OMG to our hearts delights every time Jeff Minter takes a crap and it makes headlines.

Our part in all this is to interview the top 100 gaming celebrities pushing them from blogosphere obscurity to the heady heights of celebrity and maybe see them take part in ice skating, ballroom dancing and orgies-on-islands television programmes like real celebrities do.

This is not Leigh Alexander.

We emailed over 500 gaming celebs and we've already got some great names lined up but first, it is our pleasure to reveal our exclusive interview with rising star gaming writer Leigh Alexander. Chances are if you follow the gaming blogs you will have discovered some of Leigh's excellent writing about games from reflective pieces on what it means to be a gamer to some thought provoking articles questioning some of the most common words in a gamers lexicon. Also, despite the fact she has two boys names she is a woman.

TGAM: Hello Leigh and thank you for taking part in our ambitious project and extra kudos to being the first one to get back to us.
LA: It is a pleasure and I kinda appreciate what you guys are doing but not necessarily the way you go about it.
TGAM: One of our most popular posts of all time have been, Danger Women in games. Are you familiar with The Party Song by Blink 182?
LA: Yeah. Yeah I know that song but
TGAM: It goes like this: 'Do you want to come to a party
My friends picked me up in their truck at 11:30
This things at a frat house but the people are cool there
Reluctant I followed but never dreamed there
Would be someone there who would catch my attention
I wasn't out looking for love or affection
So I paid my 3 and the girls got in free
Shine the beer and tequila and we headed into the party
And then in the backyard some terrible ska band
Someone in the background was doing a keg stand
This place is so lame all these girls look the same
All these guys have no game I wish I would have stayed
In my bed back at home watching TV alone
Where I'd put on some porn or have sex on the phone
Far from people I hate down from anywhere state
Trying to intoxicate girls to give them head after the party
And then I saw her standing there
With green eyes and long blond hair
She wasn't wearing underwear at least I prayed that
She might be the one maybe we'd have some fun
Maybe we'd watch the sun rise'.
LA: Okay
TGAM: Then it goes 'But that night I learned some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard to impress
With the way that they dress
With those things on their chests
And the things they suggest to me
I couldn't believe what this lady was saying
The names she was dropping the games she was playing
She dated this guy who now rides for Black Flys
How she's down with the Iwise well constructed disguise
Now I'd rather go dateless than stay here and hate this
Her volume of makeup her fake tits were tasteless
So I said I'd call her but never would bother
Until I got turned down by another girl at a party
So when you see her standing there
With green eyes and long blonde hair
She won't be wearing underwear and you'll discover
This girl's not the one and she'll never be fun
You should just turn and run because you'll find out that
Some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard to impress with the way that they dress
With those things on their chest
And the things they suggest to me' Do you think that song was written about you Leigh?
LA has signed out of chat.


So thanks to Leigh Alexander. I think you'll agree it was a great interview. Next week: Well hopefully it is someone that doesn't check the blog (= a shitload of people).

Ciao! CZY1 1

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 48

Time for number 48! Excited? I know I am really excited. Here's a clue to the game via an excellent screenshot from Eurogamer.

Yes it's Dead Rising (referred to as Dead Rizzling in TGAM circles thanks to a stupid customer). Why so low? Nobody asks. Well it's a compormise, I love Dead Rising but Richie has no time for it. So it's here. The first proper game on the list.

Dead Rising has everything: zombies, shopping malls, hot fat lesbo cops, ban in Germany, Jills Sandwiches, everyday violence, cults, guns, storyline, hideous save system, unreadable text, the Dante, Jill and Ryu zombies, cars, viruses and tits mcgee (never forget tits Mcgee). The usual capcom trappings of being a bit confusing on the first playthrough and the aforementioned save system only work to make it better in our eyes. Perhaps the greatest achievement is that the game works properly. So if you feel so inclined you can sit on the roof for the whole game until the chopper arrives*. It still remains the only reason to buy an Xbox 360.

The list so far:

49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer



*Did you hear that Bioshock with your infinitely long "the place is falling apart, you must escape" sequence at the end? Bastard.

Mario Kart: Vengance

I fucking knew it. I'm really not happy.




Mario Kart (Due Friday) will not have full functionality with the Gamecube controller.

Apparently "mid air" moves wont be 100% emulated when using a "proper" controller.

Fuck you Wii-mote

It is like the desert

Yeah it's like the desert! I'm sad at not being part of what we could now call 'this gen' and I think that all the players have had an ample chance to win my, an avid gamer's, attention. I have been singly just utterly unimpressed by the PS3 post launch (we all know about pre-launch). Zelda, Wii Play and a dodgy not even tested fake online mode just don't justify spending that much ££££. Sorry guys you've had a while to get me onside but not convinced. Which means..... FTW.

Why you say? Well it's actually online like the Dreamcast and the DS, it's got flagship next gen games that really do impress me, it's fun, I can play Gears or War, all the Dooms, no more wires, Dead Rising, the remaining members of Catch the Monkey B69 are always online, Dino Crisis 3, Bioshock, Oh and I absolutely love the achievements lists and the viral achievements (the six degree achievements where you get an award for playing someone who has played against bods from the developing team).

Downsides: They've had a long time to do a lot and one could argue that they haven't, currently 2 games released that I would want to play, really fucking expensive set up when you throw in Live subscription, wireless controllersx2 charge and play kits and headsets.

PROJECT GET CUNZY1 1 An Xbox 360 STARTS TODAY. Xbox 360 fund= £3