The top ten of Iphone games/apps

Yes. I'm capitalizing Iphone and I'm spelling capitalizing like a yank. It's going to be one of those posts. But we mustn't shun the new platforms when they come out we should welcome them with open arms to join the fold. Recently, Steven Gates (is he the apple man? It really doesn't matter) tried to prove that the Iphone was the shit because it had more games than the DS and the PSP.

By that reckoning the PC is then the best gaming device! Didn't think about that Gates did you, you lemon.

Anyway, much like the Nintendo DS, the Iphone does have a whole load of steaming shit available for it with the occasional warm gem hidden in the pat. Nobody is going to suggest that any of them are all time greats but here's a summary of the best presented in the tried and tested Top 10 tradition:

Top Ten Original Iphone Games.

There isn't a single original Iphone game. Every Iphone game is either a port, a clone or in the worst cases an adaptation of a mini game from another game proper. This is fact.

Top Ten Iphone Apps.

Apps sounds stupid. Then again so does Iphone. Iphone with a capital 'I' also looks stupid. Finding the top ten was difficult. In fact I couldn't find more than one. I may have made the top one up also. Here it is, it's called Icunt simulator 2013 and it is an app that turns your Iphone into a sign that says "I'm a massive cunt" every time you use the Iphone inappropriately. These instances include, but are not restricted to: showing people holiday photos in a pub or club, using twitter, messing around with trying to find that restaurant you were looking for for so long that phoning the restaurant for directions or asking somebody walking past or in fact just wandering around until you found it anyway would have been quicker, doing anything other than phoning somebody else. In all of these instances the Iphone would only display the aforementioned sign until it was put back into a pocket. If it is put into a special Iphone holder it continues to display the sign until the batteries run out.

Top Ten Iphone Games.

That Loco Roco clone, the Crash Bandicoot clone, the Mario Kart one, the bejewelled one, the one that is like that better version on the DS, that game that just displays the rude sign, the tower defense one, that one like that PlayStation block game that begins with a K, Kurushi!, is that ten yet? I can't even bring myself to count.

Overall score Because there is always a score. A-haven't-we-played-all-these-games-before-but-in-their-much-better-and-expanded-versions-buying-a-paint-tester-isn't-the-same-as-painting-the-house- 5/10. 3 of those points are for the fictional app game I made up/stole from a stand up comedian?

Kotaku in Plagiarism Scandal

They Stole My Word!!!

Postcards from the multiverses

From the top: 1) Sometimes it is good to preserve these things for the future. 2) Sonic Rush thank you for playing. I took this photo because I was going to do a tirade about how games these days don't thank you for playing. I didn't because I realised that Sonic Rush had been one of the few games I've completed for a long time so there might not be a ase to make. 3) Classic Timesplitters Future Perfect glitch. 4) Sometimes it isn't so good to preserve these things for the future. OUCH Chuff! 9? 5) Lethal accidents in Vice City. 6) The reality of DS gaming in England. 7) Killzone head on floor 8) A sample of the carnage after the first That Guy's con. 9)-12) Remember the Rag Doll years? Every game had to have ragdolls. These shots are from Killzone. 13) G-man got stuck in a teleporter. 14) 'Self portrait' by CJ. 15)Parker and Stone were right! Everyone has it. This was proof that even offline games weren't safe. 16) Gears of War cake by Wendy_72. Wendy_72 is prone to spontaneously making cakes like the Shit Tits and Balls cake from TGAMCon 1. 17) This was from my corporate days in Animal Crossing. I got some serious flak for taking sponsorship from Marlboro. I admit it now. I sold out. 18) PROOF! PROOF! That I was griefed in Animal Crossing. I'm writing to Nintendo.

Wish you were all here too!

Bye

Cunzy