We aren't fans of recycling shit from the internet but sometimes it's worth it.

By *sigh* RoflCopter 761 via Halolz

Survival Horror...

...It's a bit of a dead genre.

Pun intended.

Diablo players: Busting the myths

That's not what we're going to do here children. No sir. You see, the group: "gamers" can be divided up into neat little slices and everyone within a particular slice demonstrates exactly the same behaviours and acts in a similar way. Schools in America and "the man" will have you believe that we are all different. We're not. Most of us can be neatly pigeonholed and our every behaviour predicted from a mile away. "Diablo players" is the name of one such pigeonhole-slice as is "gays" and "the sikhs"*. So for example, if I said "All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world", I would be: a) Correct and b) A total wanker.

All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world.
It is true. Don't believe me? Check this utter piece of shite over at MTV Multiplayer. I read it and thought that it was a send up. Are there really people sad enough in the world to photoshop screenshots of Diablo III to show what the game "should" look like? Yes. Yes there are. With nothing else to do until launch sometime next century, they cling to what Blizzard drip feeds them and then, in true Blizzard-fan style they whinge and gripe to such an extent that the Xbox 360 and PS3 fanboys temporarily put down their pitch forks to cringe and point at the PCtards. Here is a selection of comments from the MTV Multiplayer article to cringe/laugh yourself to sleep with:

"Diablo III? All I’m seeing in theses screenshots is WoW from a top-down view."- SHIT MAN it's time to call the national papers! Actually I agree with this guy. WoW is Diablo with a slightly lower camera which makes it a little bit easier to click on the bad guys. Diablo is hardcore.

"There is Warcraft influence and that is my main problem, they even reused a sound effect that was incredibly out of place in Diablo from Warcraft 3"- I'm no Doctor but from the comfort of my Gamerzzz(t) chair I can tell you that no, that is not your main problem. Your main problem lies elsewhere. In fact, I imagine that the Warcraft influence in Diablo III is perhaps the least problematic part of your entire life which is why you shouldn't complain about it young lady.

"Why do these fans want the game to look like Killzone 2? We don’t need any more games with no color!"- OMG! Someone from the 90s who remembers the Killzone 2 FMV short feature. Retro, solidarity brother!

"To me, Diablo III looks very much like Diablo II."- HERETIC! Next they'll be claiming that Diablo II looked like Diablo or that all three of them play like a less mainstream version of minesweeper.

"I love hearing people go insane criticizing about a game which isn’t even out yet."- I love being the smarter prick who loves to hear the smart prick who loves to hear people go insane criticizing about a game which isn't even out yet.

"I do suppose a blend of each style would be best… People aren’t understand the “Diablo feel”. It’s not just about gothic unsaturated looks. It’s about bizarre and disturbing things. Think about the music in Diablo I, it’s just insane."- I am understand the Diablo feel, thank you very much! It's the feeling that you should be doing something else like maybe tidy the house or go outside? Something with a clear end goal and a bit of variety. Maybe email some of the guys you went to school with to see if anyone wants to catch up and remenisce. You know, about the time when you had a life and when you could put things into much better perspective.

I think SOMEONE needs to explain the appeal of Diablo to me. Maybe I just didn't "get it" but to me Diablo is unappealing, boring, laughable, monotonous and attractive to people who are losers. You know like Doctor Who fans.

POP QUIZ: Which, TGAM has committed the ultimate sin of online gaming and "met up with a guildie, in real life" leaving the other member to do posts about games he hates with a passion.

* This is meant as a joke everyone. After what happened last time these things need clarifying. Besides, the Sikhs are pretty diverse. One Sikh I know plays FPSs. All the other Sikhs are like "Twitch!".

Next week on TGAM

In order to belatedly celebrate our 2nd birthday and Capcom's 25th birthday and because there is nothing happening in games at all we're going to sell out like IGN and do TGAM top 25 no a top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. To shake up the usual format we're going to start at number 50 and work our way through until we get to number 1. Then we're going to stop and do other posts.

Given our recent activity levels this will probably take 38 years because we'll lose enthusiasm after number 47.

So don't just sit around wanking over big brother for the next 38 years. Instead start pointless forum posts hypothesising about who is going to be number 11. Write a letter to EDGE when we include Final Fantasy XI but not VI or VII! Try to convince us to put any Zelda or Metroid* games in the list. You even have your chance to vote** for the top ten in this list so try to get all those underated multimillion selling games like Ico and the Ubisoft one with tits and the pig in it into the top ten! It's almost exciting. I'm so excited it reminds me of the time I first saw a fire engine and "nearly" wet myself.

*Don't.

**No you don't.

Would you like to play a game

So instead of the normal whinging about games as if we played games (we just play Resident Evil 2 over and over again). This bank holiday meant that I had some pretty full on game time. Heres some reviews for the usual reasons;

1) Dynasty Warriors 6 Unbelievably, significantly worse than Dynasty Warriors 3.

2) Haze. Imagine Half Life on the PC set in the jungle from the original Crash Bandicoot with a sprinkling of AI taken from Marvel Super Heroes. From now on, Free Radical did nothing after TS2 in our eyes. They went under and will be missed.

3) Zack & Wiki. Genuinely very good, beyond our normal Capcom bias, actually very very good. Wii owners please stop buying shovelware and pick this up. Ya?

4) Endless Ocean. Game of the decade. 100/10. Deadly serious.

5) Devil May Cry 4. Yeah, well I used to be a fan of DMC. Too much annoying capcom checkpoint saving annoyingness. :(

6) Grand Theft Auto IV. Life draining, fun but a bit bland?

7) Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles. Great. Maybe only for Resident Evil fans but hey CHECK THE NAME OF THIS BLOG. Second greatest game of the decade 97/10

8) Echochrome. Nice although the PS3 is trying a bit too hard to be all Indie at the moment. Flow and Echochrome are nice and everything but no one payed £1600 to play shiny flash games did they? Perhaps some real games soon? Yeah?

9) GT5 Prologue. £25 for a demo. But yeah, it's Gran Turismo with all the tissue box collision and zero damage you've come to expect. Meh, like GT and GT2 and GT3.

So that's what we've been playing recently and sad to say it, but it looks like the Wii has the edge. What have you been playing recently? And how much would you give it out of ten, not that it matters because it is completely subjective? First one to say "Your mum" is an Erik Von Markovik.

Soulcalibur IV: Palaeo Fighters

As if Adding Yoda and Vader wasn't geeky enough! Check this Shit... Yoshimitsu has an Ammonite on his flag :D

Ammonites in popular culture include:
Omastar
Omanyte

Luv n' hugs,

Richie

Beauty and the Geek

What happens when evolutionary selection becomes all but redundant in a species but at the same time boys no longer grow up to be men?

This happens

Seriously, next they'll have to be told which hole to put it into. Expect a DS version later this year so that geeks can pick up on the fly.